Focusing On the Good

Well, I’m currently in the 2-week wait for my leukaemic results, which seems to be coming around faster and faster. I was down to 8-week checks but it’s gone back to 4 weeks as the rate is continuing to climb, but so slightly.

Rate is climbing, but so slightly

My baby is now 14 months and I can’t believe it but out of a little group of mums who all met at a feeding support group, I’ve now been breastfeeding for the longest.  Which is amazing! Especially as my baby isn’t the eldest in the group.  And there are only 2 of us still breastfeeding so I feel really pleased with myself that we have made it this far. 

I would love to get to her 2nd birthday if I can, but if not, I’m beginning to massively relax about having to stop, if I do, for medical reasons. And for those of you who read this regularly, don’t worry, I’m not planning on feeding her beyond 2, it would be nice to get there, if I can. 

I expect I'll need to go back on treatment

I also know that I will in all likelihood need to go back on treatment then, anyway, (if it carries on climbing at the same rate) so that will be the end for breastfeeding. Which I am absolutely fine about. Also, if, IF, there is another baby in our future, I will need to go back on treatment for my leukemia, and then have a year on it to get super stable again to then come off it again.

I have a plan in my head – let’s see what happens – around all of this, as if there is another baby for me, I don’t want to be over 40 when it’s born. So the clock is ticking and I will do all I can to do that.

Perhaps I'll only have one child

But I might only have my little blonde haired, blue eyed girl and that’s also absolutely a okay with me. But she’s teetering on walking, and with a puppy, I do really miss a completely stationary newborn, I’m not going to lie.

But apparently it’s not just my decision on children, WHO KNEW!?!?!? So we shall see what happens.

Focusing on the positives, not on return to treatment

Anyways, when I started this post in my head a few times over the last couple of days with brilliant opening sentences which of course I have forgotten but the time I actually sit down to write. I thought I would write about good stuff. Happy stuff. The things I’m proud of achieving over the last 14 months, rather than wailing about potentially having to go back on treatment and going into a worm hole over that.

So here they are, in a nut shell. 

• I have a very happy, confident, funny little girl who makes me beyond happy and I still can’t believe she is here and mine (Well - ours). 
• I manage on my own when my other half is working, with both her and the puppy and I keep us all alive. No mean feat in all honesty, although the puppy is now 10-and-a-half months and really good, and it’s getting so much easier with her every day. She is going to be the size of a small horse when she stops growing though, so that’s, fun. 

I've been happy and productive

I have spent most of the last 14 months happy.  Yes I’ve had bad parts of days, and the post birth hormones were INSANE!  But I look forward to each day and don’t begrudge anything with my baby or the lack of sleep/wake ups etc. 

I’ve managed to FINALLY get a work online course done, which also hasn’t been easy with the above but I’m really proud of me and all the content I created when pregnant and getting it all sorted to go live now.  I mean massively running out of money is a very good incentive to get something work related done.  Lolz.

And we are still together.  We left London, but are soon to be returning.  We have made it through the last couple of years with very little face to face contact with friends and a variety of things to do. Where we are is lovely, but it’s on the way to nowhere and we miss home. So we are going back.