Feeling Old Way Before My Time

I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma back in November of 2010 at the age of 29 years old. I sort of breezed through ABVD and radiation all while planning a wedding. I never thought something like this would have such an impact on me.

Ready or not side effects are coming

All of the quote-unquote readines stopped in the latter part of 2012 when I began to take I.C.E. to prepare for an autologous stem cell transplant with high dose chemo. Cancer isn't easy, neither are side effects of treatment.

It was I.C.E. that shocked my body into menopause at the age of 31. At that time, I was only experiencing night sweats, not to mention hair loss, eyebrows fell out and eyelashes thinned out.

A new kind of fatigue

In rolls 2013 with a new wave of fatigue that I had to try to learn to navigate through. Who would've known that just at the tender age of 32 I would experience personal summers, a wave of emotions that not only drove others crazy but myself too?

I didn't fully understand anxiety until certain activities would come up (they don't call it men-on-pause for nothing). Boy does cancer has a way of disrupting the pleasurable things in life. I am now 38, going on 39, and looking back at things that have happened to me thereafter, such as walking on a cane for a year and a half, recovering from walking on a cane (I am still recovering).

Learning to forgive myself

I mean I can barely walk in a shopping mall or Walmart. And when I go to the zoo or an amusement park, there is this uncanny feeling of being babysat, even though my family or real friends don't seem to mind and still enjoy themselves.

There are times when I have to learn to forgive myself for not being able to do somethings due to fatigue. It can be a real struggle to walk upstairs or cook a meal. Most people would call this a form of complaining.

I am just glad I am alive to share bits and pieces of my story.

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