My Journey With Faith And Blood Cancer
As Christians, we are taught that everything happens for a reason and that we must trust God. When you have cancer as a young adult, that can be hard to accept. It can even feel like a slap in the face. I was diagnosed around the age of 22 with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I grew up in church.
I was raised Presbyterian but technically consider myself a non-denominational Christian. I was taught all the Bible stories, went to Sunday school, and was pretty active in my church. But I wasn't all in as a Christian either. There was a lot I didn't understand and wasn't taught what I know now. So when I was diagnosed, my faith fell apart.
Why would God do this to me?
Why would God let this happen to me? Was I being punished? Everyone in my family up to that point who had cancer had died. But they were all around their 80’s. I was still so young. I couldn't understand what was going on between God and myself. I was so upset and angry I yelled at God. I couldn't understand why I had to deal with this on top of everything else in my life. And not only once but three times.
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View all responsesDoing whatever I wanted to feel better
I had decided by the third time that I was done trying to do what I thought God wanted me to do. Everything I had learned basically went out the window. If I felt like doing something I did it. Within reason, I didn't go around breaking the law all the time but I gave into my desires and did whatever I could to feel better.
I thought certainly if I felt this bad and was in this much pain God would overlook it. I had tried praying over and over for him to take the pain away. (It wasn’t until years later that it finally did stop.) It was the least he could do because I had cancer.
I think a lot of us might go through that. How could we not? Or at least be tempted to. It wasn't until years after my remission that I started seeing things in a different light.
Realizing God didn't give me cancer
My fiancé knows a great deal more of the Bible than I do. He explained to me that God wouldn't punish me by giving me cancer. It was an unfortunate thing that happened of course and I didn't deserve it but he encouraged me to try to see the positives that could come out of it.
I was so angry at him for suggesting that. How could you possibly ask me to try to find something positive out of something that brought me so much pain? But I could find positive things, silver linings.
- Having cancer made me so much more empathetic. I know I wouldn't have understood what people went through if I didn't actually go through it myself. I hate admitting that, but I know I wouldn’t have. I also am more willing to lend a hand now, or go out of my way to help a stranger.
- I am more educated on health, modern treatments, etc. I have more knowledge on charities and places that might help other people that I can pass along.
- I take my doctor appointments much more seriously now and encourage my loved ones to do the same.
- I am so much more grateful for EVERYTHING. Especially the small things. Funnily enough, I’ve actually grown stronger in my faith after having blood cancer.
Grateful (but still not glad I have cancer)
If you asked me if I was glad that I had cancer I would still have to say “No.” It’s an awful disease and no one should have to experience it. But have I been able to use it for the greater good? Yes and my God helps me do so. Putting my life in his hands has made me feel so much less stressed. It wasn’t easy and it is still hard some days but I find it to be so worth it. That’s my experience! What about you? What do you believe or don’t believe?
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