You got problems too?

By Maria Valente

2 min read

There are times when I feel comfortable enough to share my diagnosis and my symptoms with someone. I’ve been treating this chronic myeloid leukemia for ten years now and often people seem surprised to see me looking ok about that. Often admitting that leads to others sharing their struggles.

No need to apologize

I listen, and in not too long, people seem ashamed. Often an apology is uttered, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be complaining to you of all people”. That’s just it, though. There’s really nothing to apologize for.

I’m ok with listening. We all have some cross to bear and mine is no more important than yours or anyone else’s. What is important to you may not seem as daunting as an incurable cancer, but it isn’t less than either. I have friends, colleagues, neighbors, and acquaintances who battle all kinds of chronic illnesses and disabilities on a daily basis. Some, like diabetes, can become life-threatening too.

We all have different struggles

I try hard not to compare my issues to anyone else's. We are all different in how we approach, process, and work through our challenges. Often I am astonished at how the emotions shared mirror my own even if the situations are different. I try not to compare. This isn’t a race to the bottom. There is no competition for the ruler of Pity City as far as I’m concerned.

Different problems, different diagnoses

There are times when I realize just how little I truly know about someone. Talking about my situation seems to open up conversations about the tough times we are all vulnerable to. No one is immune to those feelings of loss and confusion, pain and suffering, battling and sometimes losing. These are common across the board for all sorts of life's situations. There are commonalities to be found. The feelings are shared even if the experiences are different.

Finding common ground

There are the conversations of battles won! Those are my favorite. The personal perspectives of dire need where people stepped up to help, or a discovery was made, or a new way of living was found. Those personal experiences where a person reached deep down and found the courage to step up to the plate and hit a home run.

We’ve all got our stuff to deal with, and life isn’t always a party even if we smile through much of it. I appreciate the time to hear how other people cope and through that conversation I might find a gem of wisdom for both of us. A diamond in the rough, so to speak.

Let's listen to each other

There are things I do to help myself and if that resonates with you I feel blessed for the conversation. Sometimes it’s just good to vent and be heard. That’s ok too. There’s not always an easy answer to life’s big questions. Maybe that's the hardest part?

I think that connecting with others is part of who we are. These conversations are meaningful and worth the time. Truthfully? Sometimes our time is the biggest, most precious resource we have. Feeling heard can make everything feel a little less heavy and hard to bear. You got problems too? I hear you.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
I agree everyone is going through some form of something. If we all listened a bit many would realize, we're not in this bubble alone.
1. Maria Valente Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo" user-id="3647991"/> Those deep conversations where we learn from our struggles, those are my favorites. Life can be so complicated and there are things I've learned from others who may not be in the same boat, but have gems of wisdom to share. These conversations have saved me a ton of confusion and the advice can be priceless. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. It makes my day 😀
2. Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Maria Valente" user-id="3654780"/> You're the best Maria, so happy you're part of this strong community. Best!
Ramae Hamrin Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Maria Valente" user-id="3654780"/> I hear that a lot ... "I shouldn't be complaining to you of all people." Sometimes I agree. I don't want to hear about chipped nail polish or not being able to afford the decked-out truck and having to settle for a sedan. I listen because that's who I am, but I also have learned to steer myself toward more authentic conversations, and that doesn't mean talking about big problems, but it does mean conversations in which I feel heard and can offer that genuinely in return. Time is so precious. I am much more conscientious about how I spend it these days. Great article! --Ramae (<a href='http://Blood-Cancer.com' target='_blank'>Blood-Cancer.com</a>, Team Member)
1. Maria Valente Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo" user-id="3647991"/> Cancer really puts things in perspective, doesn't it? I want to be available to the ones I care about and that's not always an easy thing to do. Some of the things I have muddled through to stay alive and kicking would be an absolute horror to many others. Yet, their complaints are valid to them. I don't want to minimize, at least not out loud anyway. I give space where I can. I'm not always available the way I would like to be. 
2. Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Maria Valente" user-id="3654780"/> I totally get, as a warrior you learn to do what you can at that moment and in that space if you can.
Susan Gonsalves Moderator & Contributor
Just recently, I've had several people say to me that they don't want to talk about what is going on with them because it can't compare with what I'm going through with CML. That's one side of it. On the other side are the dismissive types who try to "outdo," my problems with their problems. It is not a contest. I admit that I may be inwardly aggravated when people rant about silly things--trivial little day to day inconveniences not thinking about the big picture. But I listen. And I told the first group that I don't want them to ever feel like they can't talk to me about themselves ...and I said it emphatically from the heart. It's such a confusing balance we all have to take. Susan (Blood-Cancer.com Team Member) 
1. Maria Valente Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Susan Gonsalves" user-id="3653135"/> I agree! I remember telling someone I had CML and she immediately told me she was having headaches and might have a brain tumor. I laugh at that one to this day (it turned out to be cluster migraines). It's such a taboo subject its like no one knows how to react. But hey if someone wants my sympathy it is for free after all. Have at it. Whateves yanno?
2. Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Susan Gonsalves" user-id="3653135"/> This is so true, having cancer is not a race of whose condition is worst. There is a balance between that that get it and those absorbed in their own bubble.

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