Why People Play Down Blood Cancer and How To Deal With It

There’s been a lot of talk lately about having our cancer diagnosis minimized, and I have to say that I have experienced it myself and know many people have. Why does it happen, though? In most instances when people hear the word “cancer,” the world stops and the sky comes crashing down. Why doesn’t that hold true when people find out it’s blood cancer, specifically?

Can you shake off blood cancer?

“Cancer,” it’s a serious word and it causes serious reactions. I have never met anyone who didn’t hear their diagnosis as cancer that didn’t instantly feel like they were punched in the gut. The part that came after, you know, the one where the doctor said what kind of cancer it was? Well, that mattered less because, after all, the part that really stuck with you was that you have CANCER. It’s a normal response!

This all holds true, well, that is, unless you are a friend or acquaintance or nosy total stranger to someone who has blood cancer - then it’s suddenly more like, “Cancer? Ehhhhh, you can probably shake it off. You look strong.” Yeah, I’ll shake that cancer right off, thanks!

Seriously. As soon as you tell someone you have lymphoma or, heaven forbid, one of the lesser known blood cancers like PV or MM, people kind of get this “oh, ok, you don’t have real cancer I get it,” look. As if you are just using the word “cancer” to drum up sympathy and good vibes from people because, you know, you are a total monster.

Where did the perception start?

I don’t know exactly how the perception got started that blood cancer wasn’t that bad, but it’s out there. Well, with the exception of leukemia - for some reason that seemed to have escaped the lessening fire. The rest, though, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hear about “good cancers,” and “non-Hodgkin's vs Hodgkin’s” from people who don’t have cancer at all, and how one is good so I’m pretty lucky. Well, I don’t feel lucky.

I think a lot of it has to do with TV and media and a simple lack of good, solid, education about blood cancers. Leukemia is the only cancer that seems to regularly make an appearance on TV and in movies, but things like lymphoma, polycythemia, myeloma, etc., those rarely make an appearance and we all know that most people these days get their news, history, and medical knowledge from TV shows. I cannot tell you how many times people have told me, about my own unrelated chronic rheumatoid arthritis, “Why didn’t you just go to like a Dr. House?” Because that isn’t real type of doctor that exists, that’s why. They never believe me, though.

Dealing with the minimizers

So how do we deal with those people who either don’t know or don’t care enough to know about what you are really going through? Well, the first thing you have to remember is that very few people are doing it on purpose to hurt you. Could some be?

Sure, those type of people exist, they are called psychopaths and there are a handful around but more often than not it is just going to be plain old ignorance. I know that word conjures up bad things but I’m using it in the literal definition which just means they don’t know the real deal.

That means you can educate them. Tell them just how serious blood cancer really is and the things you have gone through. Yes, chances are their eyes will start to glaze over at about the five-minute mark, but you will, at the very least, convey the fact that your cancer is a serious thing with tons of side effects and dangerous pitfalls - enough to fill five minutes of conversation, at least. That alone is worth the sighs and eyerolls.

Looking our best for company

Once you pass that awkward conversation, if they still don’t believe you then explain to them that when you receive visitors or, gasp, go out to do something, you are probably looking and feeling your best. Propped up with medication and tons of sleep, you may feel the best you have in days or weeks and it doesn’t give a true snapshot of just how serious a thing blood cancer is.

It’s pretty much like real life in that respect - you aren’t going to socialize in your pajamas and without showering for days at a time. I mean, unless you are that person. Yeah, you know who you are, smelly. This is part of the reason why we hear that phrase so often, “but you don’t look sick!” or “you look so good!” Yeah, on the outside, maybe, on the inside it’s mainly just rotten apples and Nickelodeon slime.

No matter if you are just diagnosed or have lived with blood cancer for years, you will have to deal with this sort of thing, if you have not already. It’s good to be prepared and, remember, just because one person doesn’t understand how serious your cancer is doesn’t mean it’s true. Your cancer is real and it is serious! Talk soon.