But You Don't Look Sick

By Leya Elijah-Lyle

1 min read

What Does Sick Look Like?

Since I was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia in 2015, I swear I have heard some of everything! LOL! But the most reoccurring statement I have heard the most in 7 years has most assuredly been... "But you don't look sick?"

I often want to ask... What does sick look like?? I don't know! LOL!

This or That

Have you ever received unwanted advice related to cancer?

I do know what surviving looks like. And that changes from day to day, but I am! This journey has taught me a lot. I will always look too sick for some and too well for others and some honestly won't pay you much attention. That's fine! Keep pressing forward, embrace the great days... make the most of the icky days... and be thankful for every day, no matter how you look!

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Amanda Brunson Moderator & Contributor
Yesss‼️‼️‼️‼️🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾✨👑⭐️🪩💃🏾 #thriving ! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾 I FREAKING LOVE LOVE LOVE your hair😍😍😍😍🥰👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💜💜💜
1. Leya Elijah-Lyle Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Amanda Brunson" user-id="4145474"/> thank you sis!! This hair color has become my motivation, my drive, my fight, my brand, my joy!!
Dennis Golden Moderator
<inline-mention username="Leya Elijah" user-id="3654201"/> Hear you on the "You Don't Look Sick" comments . It use to bother me a lot. Now I tend to think that folks in their own way are trying to support us with encouragement. I see it as a kind of casual ... Hi Dennis you are looking healthy, I am glad to see that and ... I am silently presuming and hoping you are OK. We tend to base our reactions to others actions and their comments through a filter of years of personal experiences and interactions. Cancer and its many treatments can be new both for us and also to those we know. If that were not enough things can change. Often I as "the patient" may actually look better on some days vs others. By the way you look great. Dennis(BloodCancer.net Team)
1. CommunityMember1d024b Member
 Thanks guys for sharing. I've been looking for people who really understand what I'm going thru. I hate "You look good" "You don't seem like you are hurting." What does that mean? How can you say what you think I feel? I've turned down lots of invitations these last two years. I try to be a positive person always, but it gets rough sometimes. Thanks for listening.
2. Angie Netterville Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember1d024b" user-id="8668270"/> it can feel deflating when people try to determine how you should feel. I certainly understand how that can make you want to turn down invitations. I do hope you are feeling supported here, We are always here to listen! Angie (Team Member)
Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
I agree it takes a lot of work to make ourselves look our best while putting up that smile for others when we're not in the mood. The journey is indeed surviving the day-to-day...when we feel like it. Great post lady : )
1. Dennis Golden Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Leya Elijah" user-id="3654201"/> So true - You just push through the mess and at the same time ... recognize your limits and ... love yourself enough to know when to say NO ... Dennis (Blood-Cancer.com TEAM)
2. CommunityMember1d024b Member
 YESSSSS MADAM!
Susan Gonsalves Moderator & Contributor
Sometimes it is hard to pretend all is well when it is not. At the start of my journey, I did get that cynical, "you don't look sick," vibe and comments a little bit which I think puts some people on the defense: "yes, I'm sick." On the other hand, now that I'm not looking so well, people mercifully do not tell me how sick I look but I can see it in their expressions. We never win! Just try your best to get through each day and do the best you can. Susan (Blood-Cancer.com Team Member)
TJ Miller Member
Leah you handle it very well - and thanks for expressing yourself so clearly - no filters. I think it is best to be honest with people and educate thema little bit on what it takes to be you. Awesome!
Daniel Malito Moderator
<inline-mention username="Leya Elijah" user-id="3654201"/> If I had a nickel for the number of times I have heard "you don't look sick" during cancer and the thirty some odd years before that with my RA and chronic illness I could be a millionaire by now. It always amazes me how people think that's some sort of compliment! Keep on keepin' on, DPM
Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Leya Elijah" user-id="3654201"/> You look absolutely beautiful and I love your hair. I don't know what looking sick looks like either, but I have heard that as well as, 'Are you sure you have cancer?'! I look as it as, we are all surviving something. For me, that's cancer. When other people tell me about their issues, I don't comment on how they look getting through it and wish others might think the same thing. When people say that to me it makes me feel as though they think all I've gone through must be pretty insignificant. I don't think they mean it that way, but that doesn't make it any better to hear. Thanks for sharing. Ann (Blood-Cancer.com Team member)