Sixteen Years of Awareness Months

And another Blood Cancer Awareness Month has gone by. Another World CML Day has gone by. And for the second year in a row, I basically forgot about it. And I can’t work out if that’s a really good thing...or a really bad.

CML Day does often nearly pass me by because in the UK it’s on 22/9 not 9/22, and when I talk about the chromosome abnormality I always say it’s between 9 and 22 so it makes sense that 22/9 doesn’t immediately jog my memory.

Living with blood cancer for 16 years

However, it is my 16th year as a blood cancer patient this year. Sixteenth. Gosh, that’s a lot. It won’t be long until I have lived with chronic myeloid leukemia for as long as I haven’t. And I think I’ll park that there for a little while as I can’t quite get my head around the fact that it will mean I’ll be 44. FORTY FOUR!!!

But I’m still in my 30s right now. Ok. My very late 30s. 40 really is around the corner. Next year. S**t. That’s getting. Well. older. A real grown-up. Not sure I’m ready for that in all honesty.

After so many years, I'm running out of steam

Anyways. MASSIVE digression. Back to CML. So yes. I’ve had it for a while. And maybe that’s why I care less about these days and months. I know I should care more. Raising awareness is important. The general public knows and understands so little about blood cancers. Especially the chronic ones that are treated so differently. But, I’ve run out of steam.

My passion has waned. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s because I’m exhausted looking after a toddler. And a puppy. Maybe it’s because the stories are all of other people and being really selfish and probably a bit horrible. I don’t really care. Well. Not enough to watch the entire video. Read the blog post. Or share it on my social media. Because I’m bored of it.

Bored of blood cancer?

Maybe that’s it. I’m bored of having a blood cancer. Bored of hospital appointments. Bored of my leukaemic rate going up and down. It was up. I really hope my next result is down.

Bored of important things in my life being dictated to by those little cells. Big things. Like. Shall we go and live abroad for a bit? My first thought. No, because I cost so much and a pre-existing condition might not be covered by a health insurance plan that we would have to have in another country and I can’t afford to pay at the point of service for my treatment. My first thought isn’t, well that could be exciting, where were you thinking?

Thinking of other things

Or the big thing weighing on my mind at the moment. Baby number 2. Something I do desperately want. I don’t want to be over 40 having my next baby. The clock is ticking. Fast. Ever faster. And I don’t want to tell my consultant because I don’t want to be back on treatment for a year before I can try. Because then I will be over 40 when it’s born. And I don’t want that.

So I might be cheeky. Although she’ll probably kill me. But fresh stem cells in my body could be a magical thing!

And there’s always interferon if it goes t*st up.

So yes. Blood Cancer Awareness Month. Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia Day. They happened. And my involvement was minimal.