My Message of Hope

This year, I had a slightly different attitude towards blood cancer awareness month, specifically CML Awareness Day (September 22), and decided to do an Instagram live about it. On my work Instagram. Which I then also shared to LinkedIn.

Mixing work and advocacy

In all honesty, I don’t know how many people have watched it, I’m useless at looking at analytics which is partly on purpose, so I don’t get obsessed with them. But I hope that some did. Because until very recently, I have really kept my blood cancer away from my work. Not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed. But I don’t want to be questioned about the approach I have taken with it, considering my job. I’m a naturopath and help people feel better. I never promise to fix anything, though. And certainly haven’t "fixed myself." I decided when I was diagnosed that I was going to live. And have cancer. And not go on a mission to cure myself.

I actually feel very hesitant writing this. There is so much bad press around having a more natural approach to health, especially when you have cancer. There is also nothing wrong with personal choice. There is also a lot of evidence to show that making certain lifestyle changes helps.

So, I didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t good at my job because I still had. Have. Cancer.

Becoming less bothered by what people think

But this year, I have opened up more on my work social media about life. It may be because of being in the very precious, and still fragile, remission, that my body is managing on its own. Or maybe it’s just that after 17 years of living with chronic myeloid leukemia (CML) I am less bothered about what people might think.

Bothered by the language around cancer

Because of how I have approached living life with a chronic blood cancer I also really despise all the publicly viewed acceptable language around cancer. Fighting. Winning. Losing. Warrior. Journey. None of these resonate with me and my cancer experience. My life.

So maybe it’s this that I want to shout about. The fact that regardless of all the struggles, because there have been many. I kept going. And against all odds. My baby happened. And against even bigger odds. I’m still off treatment. And I want to shout about it. To give hope to others with CML.

Different paths for each of us

To let them know that yes, it might seem like what has happened doesn’t resonate with you and where you are. And I completely understand that. 5 years ago if you had told me I would be having a baby without IVF I would have laughed at you. If you had told me I didn’t need the stem cell transplant because of debilitating side effects of treatment. I wouldn’t have believed you. If you had told me that I would be able to fully function on 7 hours sleep. Well. I don’t know what I would have done.

But I have.

So I know that for many reading this. It might all seem impossible. That what has happened to me isn’t ever going to be your reality. That what has happened to me is beyond reach for you.

The mystery of CML and remission

But you know what? Getting CML in the first place is a rare and unexplained mystery. So why can’t being in remission without treatment also be one?

And whilst I write this. I realise this is what my new and current message is. Behind the brain vomit around my relationship falling apart. The dog. The child. Not being on treatment. Being on ‘watch and wait’ that probably doesn’t fit into your life and your CML. My message of hope. For everyone with CML regardless of where you are with treatment or how long ago you were diagnosed. Hope. I never gave up on hope. No matter how hard it’s been. I’ve always hoped. Because without hope there is nothing.

And I also hope that this years blood cancer awareness month and chronic myeloid leukaemia day has given you some hope too.