How I discovered I had B-ALL
I was feeling really lousy and I did not know why. I thought it could be my thyroid or the stress from my job or taking care of my family. You moms out there know what I am talking about, we are magicians and like most moms, I was burning the candle at both ends.
I decided to make an appointment to see my doctor who put in an order for a full panel of blood work. A week prior, my mom had a stroke so let's add that into the mix of my stress. My mom then had a second stroke and needed surgery. Due to complications from surgery, my mom was being monitored in ICU. I was scared because we did not know how she would recover.
Finding out I have cancer
As I was sitting with her in the ICU, I received the call from my doctor. Dr. Jih said, “Your blood work came back and you have cancer. You need to go down to the emergency room and check yourself in.” I told my mom that I would be right back. I did not know it at the time but I would not see my mom for another month. I walked to the elevator in a fog. I was having an out of body experience. Everything was in slow motion. I walked past the waiting room and saw the couple I sat with as I cried when my mom was in surgery. I walked to the elevator to press the button and then walked over to the window. Where is this elevator? I walked onto the elevator and looked at numbers as they slowly descended to the bottom floor. The bottom floor, how appropriate, I was descending into hell.
Life was going on around me like usual but I was suddenly different. Did I look different? Do I have an embroidered scarlet letter C on my breast? It was too much to process and I was completely overwhelmed with fear. I called my husband and my brother and as I sat terrified in the waiting room to be checked in, I thought about my children. What would they do without me? What would I do without them?
Coming from a dark place
My life turned around that day. For years, maybe even my whole life, I lived in a very dark place and my past had finally caught up with me. I did not know it at the time but I was going to face my demons once and for all. On the outside you wouldn’t know it, everything seemed great but inside I hated myself and it was eating me up inside, literally.
As I sat in the emergency’s waiting area, I looked up and asked God, “How did I get here?”
Receiving a cancer diagnosis was my big wake up call and changed my life forever. I am now called to share my story with you. I learned to trust my inner voice, God’s voice, which guided me towards a path of physical and spiritual healing. I could not have healed without the care of my doctors and nurses but I had to do my part. I had to learn how to take care of me. Put myself first for the first time in my life.
Guided by my faith
I was blessed because God showed me the way and gave me a second chance. I refer to God a lot in my book because that worked for me, but I hope it doesn’t scare you off. You need to do you. Whether you have an illness, going through a divorce, grieving over a loved one or just having a bad day I hope my journey of healing from cancer will guide you to find the love inside yourself to heal. So without further adieu, this is how I got here.
This is the beginning of my memoir. Tell me what you think and be well.
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