Tolerating Testing and Treatment

When I was a kid, needles were terrifying! It was common for me to kick, scream, and fight when told I needed a shot or blood draw. Yes, this actually made the process longer and more difficult. So when I was diagnosed with the chronic blood cancer, hairy cell leukemia in 2007, I knew that I needed to find ways to cope with all of the needle-poking tests and treatments that would be coming my way.

Afraid of needles and needing a transfusion

With my initial diagnosis, all of my blood counts were so low that I needed a blood transfusion. This meant that in addition to being poked, the needle would need to stay in my body. Yikes!

Since I was such a needle-squeamish patient, having an IV seemed like too much. Then, seeing someone else’s blood being pumped through that needle honestly felt like I was going to faint!

Out of necessity, I developed a mental strategy to keep anxiety at bay. First, I imagined what the person who donated the blood might look like. Sometimes I even made up names for them. And as the blood entered my body, I thanked the donor repeatedly for helping me to be well. This mentally made it feel like I had a new friend who cared. And thankfully, over time, the pre-transfusion anxiety was no longer present.

Bone marrow biopsies were worst

Bone marrow biopsies have been another matter entirely when it comes to feeling apprehension. It seems that even when I can get my mind wrapped around it, my body still has its own separate response.

Somewhere along my journey, I learned the game changing emotional freedom technique (EFT). This is more simply known as tapping. With this technique, you tap on acupressure meridian points in the body while reciting phrases surrounding undesired emotions. Then as you continue to make the rounds of tapping, and as these emotions are clearing, you start to recite words of acceptance. The nervous system is cleared of fear and anxiety by replacing them with ease and hopefulness. My body and mind always feel miraculously calmer when using EFT. And my last few bone marrow biopsies have seemed quick and dare I say easy as a result.

Imagining that I'm going to the spa instead of chemo

On chemotherapy days, I imagined I was going to the spa. If I could perceive it as a day of pampering and self care, I felt less dread and worry. So on the way to the hospital, I would pray for and send love to anyone I may encounter that day. I imagined everything running smoothly when I got there.

When they  seated me and covered me in a warm blanket, I would smile, take deep breaths, and mentally return to the spa image.  And as the chemo entered my body, I imagined it to be warm, healing, liquid light. I wrote in a gratitude journal. Then I read positive stories or listened to comedy during treatment just to keep the mood light.

Smiling and being kind to your body

During low energy moments, I've learned to close my eyes and imagine an opening in the clouds above. I  visualize a bright light glowing down from the heavens, washing through my body and creating a bubble of brightness around me. I smile because smiling helps the body to de-stress (even if you don't feel like doing it). The visual of floating in the clouds brings me peace. When I recite the words “I am calm", I immediately feel a sense of relaxation. And imagining the light around me being absorbed within me causes my energy level to rise.

Over the years of being in and out of testing and treatment, the most helpful practice has been choosing my words and thoughts wisely. I’ve changed the way I think and speak of the things that evoke fear and anxiety. So here is one piece of advice that I hope is helpful. Speak kindly to your body. If you catch yourself having defeating thoughts, do your best to turn them around. Yes, we need to allow ourselves to process any fear or frustration. But coming back to the practice of self kindness will boost healing immensely.