Three Things To Do When First Diagnosed With Cancer

Recently a big topic of discussion on the blood cancer forums was about what pieces of advice people would give to those who are newly diagnosed. Now, I know this has been done ad-infinitum, but seeing how it seems to be evergreen in terms of popularity, I figured why not go over it again, this time in a formal article.

I mean, after all, I have definitely lived through enough to have come up with some coping strategies of my own - almost four decades of chronic illness and now almost a decade of cancer.

Wow, I am getting old. I just reminded myself. Oh well, that’s a topic for another article.

Hearing the diagnosis is terrifying

No matter how upbeat or fearless or literally-amazing-to-the-point-that-people-call-you-a-saint-on-Earth you are, when you are in the doctor’s office, and you hear that c-word, cancer, that six-letter mental knife that’s sharper than a Japanese sushi chef’s favorite slicer, you will feel it. Sure, some people may not keel over with shock and horror like others, but there isn’t a human being on this planet who doesn’t hear the words “you have cancer,” and then has their behind instantly clench.

We know what it means to have cancer - or, at least, we think we do thanks to TV and movies (which are usually largely inaccurate), and then that’s all that fills our brain for the next week. It’s totally normal and totally terrifying, but don’t worry - you are not alone.

Once you get over that initial gut punch you will start to wonder what have other people done to help lessen the burden of cancer and promote their chances of survival. I think I have whittled it down to three main things.

Build a support system

First and foremost - you need to build a support system. Now, if you have one of those huge midwestern corn-fed or southwestern families with 17 siblings, then developing a support system for you is a no-brainer. You just turn your head and ask. The thing is, many of us don’t have something like that to pull from, so we have to develop our own network with bits and pieces of our lives, like when Cinderella made a dress for the Prince’s ball from scraps the mice found in her dingy castle. By the way, did you know she was called Cinderella because of the cinders and ash she cleaned up in the fireplace? Who says you don’t learn useful things in my posts?

I digress.. the point is that many of us have to cobble together a working support system from the people around us - a best friend, the “good” sibling, the nosy-yet-kind neighbor, the ex-girlfriend's mother who you still talk to - honestly it doesn’t matter if it’s the mailman, as long as you have at least one good person you can really count on, then your cancer journey will become easier by several orders of magnitude. Even if you just met someone at a cancer support group and they offer to help - take them up on it! Maybe just wait a little bit before you agree to take a look at their knife collection in the root cellar. A ride to chemo, though? Yes! A support network makes cancer easier. Period.

Learn to speak up

Second, you have to learn how to speak up. This is a big one for most people, and doubly so when it comes to talking to medical professionals. When you are an interrupting jerk like me who has been dealing with RA, another chronic illness, for almost four decades previous to cancer, advocating for yourself comes easy. Most people, though, are kind, polite, and cordial, and people still like them, so they don’t like to make waves or ask for things for themselves. That’s totally normal but I am here to tell you that it is imperative you learn this most annoying of skills early and use it often, extra-specially on doctors.

Remember, a doctor is just a person wearing a white lab coat - they aren’t any less prone to mistakes, biases, and human foibles than we are, in fact, they pay a boatload of money every year to protect themselves from the mistakes that they might make. It’s called malpractice insurance. If a doctor is telling you to do something you don’t agree with or saying something that you know is wrong or inaccurate, you speak up. Do not stay silent.

Additionally, if a friend or family member is making your life more stressful or potentially harmful by playing down your cancer or forcing you into something you don’t want to do, you speak up. Just always speak up! I'd rather be alive and rude than dead and polite. Then again, being dead and rude would make for a real fun wake…

Find doctors you can trust

Finally, don’t skimp on the medical team. I know it’s a huge pain in the butt and a hassle to change doctors, and it's so easy to just go with the first white coat who says, “We’re gonna do this,” but I cannot express how many times I have heard about better outcomes from people who trust and like their doctors and who took the time to find the top expert in their area. It really does make a difference. Doctors will always try to rush you into treatment, and some will not take getting a second opinion kindly, but you can take a beat to do an internet search and make a phone call. It will pay off in triplicate, trust me; after all, it is your life!

So, that’s pretty much the best advice for those who are just diagnosed, distilled down to its base parts. Sure, there is more to be had, but this is the place to start. If you need help, you can always come to this site or your local cancer society, and they will assist. Talk soon.