Remission Envy
2020 has been a tumultuous year for so many. This pandemic has been a mess literally for those affected by this virus, and those losing their jobs because of it. I’ve continued to stay busy building my fitness business, as well as being as safe as I can be. I know our stories are not the same, and that’s the complexity of blood cancer, specifically multiple myeloma. Where my skipping through the park (not really) is someone else’s confined to their bed, to no fault of their own, just not a good day.
Finding hope
I’ve been public on my process for a reason, as I know 11 years ago I didn’t see a lot of people like me with multiple myeloma. Now, I’m seeing more people within my age bracket. Now by no means is that a good thing to reflect on; it just tells me that there are a lot of questions like I had when I entered this journey. I’ve ridden the horse of trial and error, discomfort, pain, happiness, and sadness; and for what other reason than prayer/ meds, and prayer, my body got me to remission.
After 3-4 years of treatment and two years or so stable, the words “cured” uttered through my doctor’s lips a few weeks back. How could that be, is this for real? I’ve met some remarkable people that have actually lived with this disease for over 20 years or more and in remission. This should be happy or more so encouraging, right?
Not so nice
I’ve met some incredible people, whether on social media or my travels within the myeloma community. What I’ve noticed and had to dissect was that not everybody has been happy about my recovery. The bubbly lucky go lucky does not always get the love, and some of those hints come with a quick unfollow. I notice when I post things going well in my development, I get those (not many) that feel a particular way. I’ve only received one person who questioned a post when I gave some notice on a lung cancer event though my page highlights my myeloma journey. However, notice I stated “MY”, so if I choose to advocate for another cause, that should not be a question, considering if I’ve had family or friends who had their brush with cancer.
Unfortunately, I had to put that person subtlety in their place on that. I say all this to say, misery loves it some company. At times it does irk me a bit when my numbers go up in followers and then I post happy joy joy, and they go down. I would think at this point with me out and about that I would have more followers, but I understand the trials of social media is not always necessarily in my hand, sometimes that is a draw of luck.
You lucky so and so
Well, I’m not sure how to take that sentiment either of “Oh Yolanda, you’re just lucky is all”, well if that was the case I could have been lucky 6 years ago when treatment began, and all the ordeals that have come with the disease. I’ve learned and maybe it’s something my mom told me back in the day that went over my head then, but basically “Baby, some people are going to be envious in whatever you have going on.” Again it went over my head, but more so who would fathom people feeling so harsh on positive news and ecstatic when you share even worst trials? Hum, I don’t get it, but I tell you, there is a reason that the spirits that be have gotten me to this stage.
Who knows how long the party will continue with back to normal, as we know the normalcy never really goes back to what it was. I just know that I walk with my head up in courage in enduring all that I have, and if I’m to be light of hope for those that don’t have that green envy, then that’s what matters.
Hail on my tribe, we got this, all with hope, grace, and sometimes a smile!
The time to fight is now, with integrity, grace, hope, and a smile….when you feel like it.
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