Chill Time: Making Myself Rest When I Need It

Last updated: March 2020

It would appear that since being on the new drug and feeling so much better that I’m really resisting chill time on the weekend. This is so stupid because I’m still living with blood cancer, on a pretty intense drug that my body has to work to metabolise, and I do need rest. I think it’s because I spent so many years unable to do things over the weekend, so now that I can, I refuse to just sit and rest.

Is my fatigue from doing too much?

This has not been a good thing. I’ve noticed my energy levels getting worse. Feeling tired in the morning again. Feeling heavy. Everything being an effort. Not feeling light like I did a few months ago. And I don’t know if it’s my body and the drug. Or if it’s because I am doing so much more.

I still need 10 hours sleep and often don’t get it. I know that is also really stupid, but it’s not always possible as an adult to do that. So, I really should slow down at the weekend and recharge.

Last week, I was on the phone talking to my mother while walking home and I had to end the call because I didn’t have the energy to walk and talk. It was one or the other and I needed to get home. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like that. And I don’t want to go back to that place.

An amazing dog keeps me active and busy

I’ve also had a chocolate labrador that I look after/sort of co-own staying with me for 6 weeks as his owner broke his ankle and can’t walk him etc. So I know that uses up my energy, too, as I won’t not walk him. It’s not fair to do that. So, every weekend I have gone for a long walk each day. And I also go to bed a bit later when he stays to make sure that he can go outside again before bed and he doesn’t have to go for hours and hours without being able to go to the loo. However, that dog is amazing. And he can wait. And does wait. And he knows. So, on the occasion that I sleep for 11 hours, he is always fine.

On the plus side, it’s meant that I have done LOADS of walking and that keeps the mental part of my mind about my body at rest. Most days, I walk around 4.5 miles. Often nearer to 6. And occasionally, nearly 10 miles. But, he needs around an hour and a half to two hours a day and I won’t let him suffer. Or get fat! Which is a real risk with a labrador. However, thinking about it, I clock up way more steps than my phone tells me because I only clock the steps when my phone is in my pocket/bag etc and I’m out and about. That doesn’t include all the walking when I’m inside. Anyways, I do enough walking at the moment.

Making myself rest this weekend

So, this weekend I am home again at the parents for the first time in a while. I think this is the longest I have ever been without a home weekend where I do nothing. I should do these more often. But I used to do them so regularly, I liked the fact that I didn't have to. That I can survive without them, which wasn’t the case. So I resist, which is stubborn and stupid. But, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t continuously push myself through each day, every day.

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