How Much Of The Truth Is Too Much?
I had started my first job since treatment last November. I thought that everything would be fine. I had spent a month back home to recharge and though I was apprehensive, I thought I could start working again.
When I got the job, I soon realized I was getting vastly overwhelmed, was crying on the way to work every day, and was exhausted already. What was going on? I didn’t realize at the time that medical PTSD post-treatment is a thing. I still hadn’t worked out a lot of emotions yet. I also had GI issues (ended up being a gallstone) that gave me tremendous amounts of pain. I wouldn’t find out why until about a month or two later. But I really wanted to stay, so I kept at it.
Trying to mask the symptoms
I tried CBD oil for the first time and it helped! At least... it helped with the anxiety I was feeling. Unfortunately, I had to take so much that it slowed down my reaction time. So I could work but my responses to questions would take too long for me to get out. I decided to be open with my job.
I’d like to add, I was open and upfront when I got hired about my medical history, but now, I’m leaving no detail untold. I know how these things go, sometimes sharing that you’re sick can take immense pressure off of you. Or, it could make it seem like you’re always complaining and not grateful to be at work. I wanted to make sure I told everything that was going on with me. I figured if they knew everything upfront, there couldn’t be any misunderstandings later.
The people that I worked for were very understanding but also way too strict at times. For example, I had to go to a funeral after my second day or so. They did let me go, but it ended with, “Be sure to give us more notice next time.” Ok sorry I couldn't predict when the death was going to be but sure. But they would still do what they could to help me out with scheduling. I think I was getting to the point of no return and I can’t remember what I was trying to tell my manager, I think it had something to do with appointment results. But I must have said that I didn’t want people to think I was faking or something and she said something along the lines of “If anything, you overshare.” I know she didn’t mean it to be hurtful but it took me a second because I had to think about it. Did I overshare?
I have been an oversharer for a long time
There are many reasons as to why, which I won’t bore you with here. Sometimes it can get on people’s nerves because with the oversharing, I repeat myself a lot (also cool super fun psychological reasons as to why). But other times, they just kind of accepted it was a part of who I was. But I didn’t know if I liked that part of me.
Over time, I’ve tried to filter myself in certain scenarios, but other times, like when it comes to medical stuff, I just let it out. The right people will understand, and this way everything is out in the open. I think the point that I was trying to make in this article is that some of us will choose to overshare and I think it’s okay to sometimes. And if you choose not to, that's ok too.
Warm regards, Katelynn
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