That Time Cancer Made Us Laugh So Hard We Almost Soiled Ourselves. Again.

Not everything about blood cancer is sad. There, I said it. I know, I know it sounds like I have fallen off the chair and bonked my head, right? The thing is, anyone who has gone through a bit of their cancer journey can tell you that it is not only scary and tragic and painful, but it is also absurd and silly and just downright hilarious at times. Some of the situations you find yourself in are bonkers, and I have never laughed harder in my life.

Laughter instead of tears

Now, I know what you are thinking – did you break down in laughter because you had no more tears to cry? Did you end up laughing so hard because you were just so exasperated with what was happening that you were out of sadness? Were you guffawing heartily because you realized that nothing really mattered anyway because you might pass on? Sure, that is 100% true and probably definitely contributed to things, but what’s the old saying? Tragedy plus time equals comedy? Well, I think cancer is the ultimate example of that.

Chemo stomach plus a dog plus a well-meaning neighbor equals hilarity

I remember a specific instance where me and my mother just died laughing when I was going through cancer. It was right after my first session of chemo, that evening after we got home. We didn’t really know what to expect and, of course, now it seems like common sense that chemo can cause stomach problems, but we were newbies. Well, I am embarrassed to say that I ate something spicy that I shouldn’t have and, inevitably, when mixed with the chemo, well, let’s just say I couldn’t get to the bathroom in time. Still, it happens – that’s not the ridiculous part. Because I was running to the bathroom, I didn’t have time to grab anything but a towel and I didn’t even close the door.

I made such a commotion that as I’m sitting on the toilet trying to clean myself up, in comes the dog who, as anyone who has a dog knows, loves underwear, socks, bras – basically anything that is filled with those good and gross human smells. Of course, he grabs the offending boxer shorts and starts to run off. I jump up in my towel to run after him, which I now realize is actually a large washcloth, but it’s all I got. I did a rush job cleaning myself up so there I am, looking like a crazed caveman, running after the dog and who walks into the hallway right then?

My mom, to see what the heck the ruckus is about, who just happens to be on a Facetime call with one of her friends. Her friend wants to wish me well, of course, who wouldn't, I mean – it's me after all. Well, you can guess what happens next...

My mother comes into the hallway so I can say hi to Mrs. C and she can wish me luck on chemo. My mom immediately sees me running after the dog with a cocktail napkin made for an elf as a loin cloth, berating and chasing after the dog like a lunatic, almost bare buns flopping around in the wind. Mom immediately tries to turn off the camera before he friend sees, and, of course, presses the button that actually reverses the camera to show what’s in front of her and all Mrs. C can see is a mostly naked grown man chasing after a small animal while threatening him within an inch of his life to give me back the soiled boxer shorts he stole and is currently dragging around the house. We were both mortified.

Tragedy plus time equals comedy

Of course, as I said earlier, tragedy plus time equals comedy, and that’s exactly what happened. After I got dressed and cleaned up, caught the dog and retrieved the offending underwear, we sat down and attempted to assure my mom’s friend that we were not a bunch of crazed sex perverts and that there was no need to involve the authorities.

The chances of that working were slim to none and we sat down and laughed so hard we almost soiled ourselves. Again. Trying to imagine what my mom’s friend must have thought and what the person who she was inevitably gossiping about this must be thinking sent us into hysterics. “Oh my God, Shirley, it was like a crazy porno house!! He was almost naked and screaming about killing some person named “Philo” and kept yelling for him to drop his dirty briefs!! What in heaven’s name!! What are those Malitos into??” Oh my gosh, it must be amazing and awful and hilarious and so we laughed and laughed. All thanks to cancer.

So, as you can see, cancer isn’t all awful. It affords the opportunity for some truly absurd and objectively hilarious situation, and if there’s anything you can use when you are going through cancer it’s a good laugh. A really, really, good laugh. Talk soon.