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Giving Up on Exercise… Again

I’ve written before about how I’m mental about my weight. I know I am. It’s a work in progress. I’m so much better than I used to be. It doesn’t help that I used to be thinner. The downside of that is I constantly assess myself with how I am today compared to then. And I am incredibly critical about myself. And yes. I know that doesn’t help.

Crushing fatigue

The plus side of being half a stone heavier now is that I am in a better place overall. When my weight went down to 9st I was incredibly stressed and burnt out in my final year at uni. I was miserable. I was exhausted. I cried all the time. All my lecturers saw me cry in my final year.  And I ate far too much chocolate. I was in the library all the time. I had no life. Caffeine and refined sugar got me through the day.  So being half a stone heavier and overall happier is much better. I know this deep down. It’s just sometimes hard to remember.

I used to run, well, jog a lot. I have done 2 marathons and a half marathon. Admittedly the last marathon I did destroyed me physically and emotionally, but I was happier with how I looked so I decided to do something about it. I had to stop running months ago.  Maybe a year ago. I couldn’t keep it up.  Fatigue getting worse and worse on Bosutinib which I am coming off of to try a new drug.

I hate not being able to go running and got fed up with my internal chat and started doing home exercises. I was doing really well. Including stretching, it took me half an hour, and I did it 3 times a week for 3 weeks. And then I noticed in the 3rd week how my energy had crashed. I wasn’t coping. I couldn’t get all my work done and the only thing that had changed was the exercise. So I stopped.

Goodbye for now

And my energy has picked up again a bit. I still do lots of walking as I look after a labrador and clocking up the steps Monday – Friday makes me feel good. Yes, I probably would be less tired if I didn’t, but I get outside and it’s the only exercise I get. I know how damaging it is to your overall health not to exercise so I keep going with the walking. I won’t give this up. I refuse to give this up.

So for the time being I’ve said goodbye to exercise, again. It really upsets me that I can’t. But I’m not willing to completely destroy myself or to muck up my work because of it, even though I hate the fat around my abdomen (which I know is mostly in my head). And I just hope the new drug that I start in 3 weeks is better and I get to run again. That would be amazing.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Ann Harper moderator
    7 months ago

    One step at a time. It’s very smart that you are listening to your body and doing what you think is best. Walking is wonderful and helps in so many ways. Good luck to you.

  • Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo moderator
    12 months ago

    I couldn’t totally give up on the exercise… It’s become my new life. Although that fatigue plays a huge part, I try to nip and defy it. Plus once I get into it I’m good for that time, but it is a crash when I miss time exercising. Hey, we can do only what we can do, and listening to your body in what you feel like doing is the key! Best! 🙂

  • Racheli Alkobey moderator
    12 months ago

    Hi Katie! I am so with you. I have had such an odd relationship with exercise post treatment and I truly find that the crushing fatigue is just that… CRUSHING! When I get home from work I am just beyond exhausted to even consider making it to the gym. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  • Daniel Malito moderator
    12 months ago

    @katieruane It’s difficult, especially when you can’t do it. It’s become part of my daily routine, and when it’s interrupted, everthing feels off. You’ll get back to it, though, I know it. We always adapt. Keep on keepin’ on, DPM

  • bluchs
    12 months ago

    I can relate to the exercise situation, I was the same weight my entire life, for 45 years I weighed 170 lbs. and was 5’10”
    When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I got very sick, and went down to 104Lbs.
    Now I am 140.lbs and I can not gain weight, because I get sick every single time I eat.
    Plus fatigue makes it hard for me to exercise , and now I have lost muscle strength, I sometime, can hardly even walk.
    The 6 pack is gone forever, now I just Pray for another day, each and every day.
    The only exercise I can even get, is to walk when I am able.
    I won’t give up on exercise, though?
    I will simply do it when I can, and I will continue to Pray, not just for Me.
    I will Pray for all of us ,who suffer from this blood cancer, we sadly share!

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