It's All Getting Very Real Now

I have a fertility appointment in a few days. It’s all beginning to get very real now. I’m excited and also hesitant. I’m also irritated with the fertility department, as this appointment is only happening because of my haematology consultant.

I had my haematology check-up and I said that I want to get going ASAP now winter has passed and things are beginning to ease up again with the vaccine rollout. I had assumed that the timeline would be dictated by haematology but in fact, it will be fertility. My haematology consultant said that assuming this lot of results will be as good as the others, and there’s no reason why they won’t be, she is happy for me to come off treatment.

She asked when my next fertility appointment is and I said I didn’t know. She checked the system and saw there was nothing there even though I’d had tests done last October and should have had a follow-up by now. This is the second time I’ve slipped through the net with appointments with them which isn’t great. Will definitely have to be a proactive patient with them to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Wishing for smooth sailing

Anyway, the great thing about having it all done at the same hospital is that my haematology consultant can access all the results from fertility and also see the appointment system. So I phoned to get a fertility appointment booked and so that’s in 10 days.

I hope it’s all smooth rolling just because I don’t know the system with this, unlike haematology, which I know like the back of my hand. I’m feeling excited because I can finally get all this going which I’ve wanted for so long. But I’m also feeling hesitant because I don’t really want to be doing this on my own. I will. But I never thought that I would be.

Will I have to do this alone?

So my main question will be how late is the latest my complicated man can be involved. At the moment, it’s a no from him but I want to be able to give him time to change his mind as he might. It won’t be final until my eggs are fertilised. I probably sound deluded but there are many reasons which I won’t go into here why I still hope that he is the father. I promise I’m not just being an idiot about this.

But at the same time, I will go ahead without him. And whilst I would be doing it on my own in terms of not having the father in my life. I’m really not on my own. I have an incredibly supportive family who is there for me 100% and amazing friends as well. If he regrets it then I can quite confidently say 'I told you so and you’re an idiot for not listening to me.' Not that I necessarily want to have that conversation. But I will. And then I suppose, if I do get pregnant with a donor's sperm and he regrets it and wants me back in his life, I would then have a big decision to make. Would I be ok with him being the father? You know what? I probably would. And there would also be definite benefits to having screened sperm of a younger man as the biological father.

So I’ll see what the consultant says in just over a week. And take it from there.