Pretty Amazing News (Part 1)

Something really amazing happened at my last checkup. Something that I’m still sort of getting my head around and can’t really believe has happened. Well, nothing has actually happened, but I had a conversation with my consultant and I NEVER thought the words that made up her answer would come out of her mouth!

Before I talk about this recent visit, let me tell you a little bit about me.

I've always loved babies

Ever since I was little I have loved babies. If I was ever somewhere and there was a baby, if I was able to hold it, I would ask my mother to ask the mother of the baby if I could. I remember doing this from around the age of 8. I also remember when I was little at school, I would help with the smaller ones if I could. I suppose it might be because when I was little, my doll was a real-life baby...my brother. I was 13 months old when he was born, so I suppose I just played with him. I don’t really remember much, but I think I tried to help my mother with him as much as a one-year-old could!

I seem to remember that it was when I was 10, I decided I wanted to be married with a baby by the time I was 30. F**k knows why in all honesty. Nothing I know of triggered that thought process. It’s just what I wanted. And have wanted ever since.

When I was a teenager, I think my mother was a bit worried about teen pregnancy with me as I was so baby crazy!  I remember her sitting me down and saying, very forcefully. ‘Don’t have sex before you get married’.

And then I hit my 20s. Babies and marriage by 30 were still very much a part of my grand plan, but 30 seemed a long way away. I was just enjoying university and life.

My CML diagnosis changed everything

And then 19th January 2007 happened and it all changed. My diagnosis. I had 3 questions when I was diagnosed:

1. Can I still drink? – Yes
2. Will this cancer kill me? – No
3. Can I still have babies? – Yes

And that was all I needed to know. Quite telling of my priorities when I was 22!

And the years have trickled by, well, flooded past really. I began to get a bit twitchy about babies when I was about 25, but I thought, "It’s ok. I have time." I also had eggs frozen as part of my treatment, so I have those if I’m infertile. I don’t know if I am or not. I don’t actually need to know really because I have my eggs. 22-year-old eggs, which make it even better!

Thinking about my fertility after blood cancer

And then I hit 30 and I was still single. No baby. And I was told repeatedly not to get pregnant by my consultant.  So ideas of a sperm donor began to float around. If I’m still single when I’m 35, I’ll do it I thought. 5 years is loads of time to find someone and to have a baby.

But not drinking and cancer are a big pill to swallow in the UK it would seem. Or I only meet guys who are arseholes who couldn’t see beyond that. Not drinking here is a massive thing and loads of people think you are boring if you don’t drink. Shows how much of an alcohol reliance they have to have a good time! I learnt very quickly when I was 24 that I can have a good time sober and haven’t had any booze in 10 and a half years. My mother would say to me, "don’t tell men you don’t drink and you have cancer when you meet them and go on dates. It’s like turning up and saying you have a baby at home. It’s off-putting." But I thought f**k that. Why should I lie to make myself seem more appealing? More attractive? And I don’t want to start a possible relationship with someone on a lie. A really massive one. Well, two! So I stuck to being true to me. And being single…

Check back to hear what my consultant said at my recent visit in Part 2 of Pretty Amazing News