I Feel Bad About My Cancer!
Several years ago, Nora Ephron wrote a book called I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman. That's a funny title, I thought. I read the book and laughed out loud at some of her observations. Now, I feel bad about MY neck! Use a moisturizer on your neck, young ladies! You will be glad someday.
One of my elementary students once said to me, "Doesn't it make you feel old that you taught my mama, and now you're teaching me?" "No," I replied. "Looking in the mirror does that for me!" The truth is, you either get to grow old or die young. Which do you prefer? I know I want to live.
Shortly after I retired from teaching in 2017, I was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndromes (MDS). MDS is a type of blood cancer that can occur when the bone marrow's blood-forming cells become abnormal. I need to stop looking at those life expectancy charts. They make me feel bad, and they could be wrong!
Body image now and then
Why do women feel bad about everything? There is too much body shaming! When I was a child, I thought there was a rule about only skinny women on television. The only woman I saw with some meat on her bones was Aunt Bea on the Andy Griffith Show.
I have read that after World War II in Europe, looking too thin was not at all desirable. If you were too slender, people assumed that you had been in one of those horrible concentration camps.
Tan bodies then and now
Mrs. Tressider, my work supervisor in the university library in the 1970s, told this story about growing up in the 1920s, "My mother didn't want our houseguests to see how tan my brother and I were from playing outside. Mother mixed up a concoction to remove the tan from our faces. One of the ingredients was bleach." Sounds terrible! Mrs. Tressider explained that if you had a tan in those days, that meant you worked outside to make your living.
These days people have tans from going on expensive vacations. People pay money to use tanning beds or get spray tans to add color. Times and attitudes change.
Cancer then and now
Have you ever seen the 1970 movie Love Story with Ryan O'Neal and Alli MacGraw? The main female character, Jenny, discovers she has leukemia. She is lying in her hospital bed, frustrated because the chemotherapy has caused her to forget something she learned at Radcliffe College. She starts cursing at her husband because of her anger. I was only 14 when this movie came out, so I had never heard such foul language in a film. I remember thinking, how does she have the energy to cuss up a storm when she is dying? Because it was only a movie, not real life.
People today are almost blase regarding a cancer diagnosis. They assume you will take your treatment, and then you will move on with your life. People like quick fixes and easy cures, but it is not that simple. Dealing with cancer is a journey. Most days, I feel okay. Other days, I don't even want to visit on the telephone. Just like life, blood cancer has its ups and downs. Just hang on, and try not to feel bad.
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