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woman sitting at a table in the dark looking very tired and fatigued

Well, I’m Tired… Again

I want to write but I don’t really have the words. I’m tired. Work has gone quiet because of it. Not that I’m worried. Well, a little bit worried. But I’ve just paid this month’s rent so that’s good that I managed to do that. And it wasn’t as hard to do as it has been in the past. So that’s good.

When others notice your fatigue

Today, a client asked me if I’m ok because I look tired. Last week, one of my co-working friends asked me if I’m ok because I seemed so tired. So, I suppose in a way it’s nice to know that others are clocking that I’m tired. It’s not just in my head.

It’s interesting…because I’ve been better for so long, my co-working space friend has forgotten that I used to be like this all the time. This was my norm rather than the rarity. I hope that this isn’t my new norm again.

I’ve had shooting pains down my skull again. This isn’t a good sign. It shows how exhausted I am.

So much more is an effort again. I had a busy weekend, which was not quite the weekend of nothing I was hoping it to be. But it’s really taken it out of me. Even though it was 10 days ago. I still haven’t recovered. And this isn’t good.

Getting enough quality sleep with cancer

I need to sleep more. But I have enjoyed being able to do things. I know I need balance but I got so fed up with having to go to bed at 9 or 9:30 in my 30s. I think I’m going to have to start doing this more. Trying to get more sleep. It’s so frustrating.

I filled out a questionnaire for a research study on CML and it asked you to rate symptoms over the last week. I was really shocked to see on paper how bad it’s been. I’m so quick to say I’m fine and everything is ok. The reality is that it isn’t. I really don’t want to be in this place again.

I’m waiting to hear about my last leukaemic rate result. The second result on the lower dose. I hope it’s still ok. I really don’t want to increase my dose.

Dealing with my CML fatigue

I’ll be back at the hospital in just over 3 weeks. In a way, it’s good that I can go to this appointment and say definitely that I’m feeling worse. But that’s also not what I want. I had really hoped that this drug was the one I could live my life on. To completely forget about the stem cell transplant option. To not have to make that decision.

This coming Monday is a bank holiday so I’m going home for the weekend. To do nothing. I need it. I haven’t had a proper break in a while. And I really hope that after 3 days of doing very little I will feel better and rested and recharged. That this has just been a blip. That it’s not just going to get worse and worse.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Ann Harper moderator
    1 week ago

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so much fatigue. It must be so hard to want to live your life but having tiredness hinder that.

    When Crystal was sick and going through treatments she did what she could, but rested when she needed to. It was difficult for her too, but her body needed rest. Sometimes she over did it.

    I will say prayers for you that you can find a balance between your emotional and physical needs. Good luck to you.

  • Ronni Gordon moderator
    2 weeks ago

    Really sorry to hear you’re dealing with so much fatigue. It’s disappointing to get your hopes about something and then not have it turn out as expected, for sure. I hope that it’s just a blip and that you feel better soon!

  • Mike Padjen
    2 weeks ago

    @katieruane,

    I hear you. Please take care of yourself first. I have a similar problem of doing too much on the feel good days and I usually pay for them, realizing that if I hadn’t pushed so hard, I probably could have gotten more done. It’s such a balancing act….

  • Susan Gonsalves moderator
    2 weeks ago

    @katieruane I have CML too and I hear what you are saying. There were a couple of weeks recently where I could not even function or finish off the day so I had to take long naps. I’m trying to go to bed earlier to see if that helps. Good luck with your next test result. I find out my results in about 3 days and the suspense is killing me. Hope you feel better and can enjoy your weekend.

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