Fat vs Fit
People are often surprised when I mention that I am a cancer patient. People say, “You don’t look like a cancer patient.” But what does that mean?
I’m not too pale, now that UV treatment is banishing all these rashes and adding a nice glow. I have some hair, although thinner and silver around the face. I am not emaciated, actually, I’m actually kinda pudgy. Think big cheeks.
“But aren’t cancer patients gaunt and thin?”
When I was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia in 2011, my first daily oral chemo regimen really packed a punch. It was a very stereotypical reaction filled with projectile vomiting, frequent trips to the washroom, hair loss, and weight loss.
I lost four dress sizes in three months. When I could go out I was amazed. I received compliments! I was told that I looked trim and fit.
Someone asked me what my secret was. Absent-mindedly, I told her it was CHEMO! Oh, the shock on her face. Not my best moment.
My oncologist begged me to eat as much as I possibly could. He was very clear, “When you add on weight, you give us time.” My oncologist asked for moderation in all things. Overexertion leading to exhaustion? Forbidden. Whacked-out fad diets? Forbidden.
My oncologist was stern. He said that if it is hard to eat any food then only choose the best food to eat. Take things slower, easier and make it a point to gain some weight. Top Priority.
A new perspective on my lifestyle
My health-conscious friends might not see it this way and it took me a while to get it myself. I needed a new perspective on my lifestyle. My oncologist made a deal with me. We would give another daily oral chemo a try. I’d have to commit to it though. I’d have to eat.
Food had no taste and the texture was even worse. I chose small meals, snacks really, and ate as often as I could. Sometimes I would eat while walking around in order not to concentrate on how hard it was to swallow. It took effort to choke down a few nuts while concentrating on not heaving it up. Exhausting.
My body began to accept the new daily oral chemo. My taste buds slowly came back. For some reason, nutmeg was the first flavor to make an impression. I still love it to this day.
Normal for me
I’m back to a size 14 now. I don’t look at magazine covers and stock images of beauty for women. I don’t look all that “fit” by today’s standards, 20 lbs overweight is great for me personally. "This is 'normal' for your body," my oncologist assures me.
My oncologist is happy and on the bad days I know I can drop a few pounds without it becoming an issue right away. It feels like a shield keeping me somewhat safe. Sometimes achieving a healthy state means having reserves in store.
Once upon a time, Marilyn Monroe was the epitome of beauty with her ample chest and round hips. She was a size 14, too. So, while I have some pudge, I often wonder if anyone else has struggled to keep the weight on. It’s not always doable and I’m not here to judge. It’s a struggle, I know.
Am I the only one though? Is anyone else proud to be more “fat” than “fit”?
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