Catastrophizing with OCD

I have something called OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was diagnosed as a child. It can be passed on genetically. I thought it didn’t bother me anymore because the way it manifested wasn’t the same as when I was a child. I realized recently that I still struggle with it. I just didn’t think it was OCD. I thought it was anxiety. You may have heard of OCD being a germaphobe thing. Or people using the term “I’m so OCD” when needing their personal belongings to be neat and just so. While that can be part of OCD for some people, it’s much more than that.

The obsession and the compulsion

My OCD manifests in ruminations. Specifically, I constantly worry about dying or my loved ones dying and, therefore, being taken away from me. My obsessions are these thoughts.

My compulsions are the things or “rituals” that I do in order to make the thoughts go away and feel better. For example, every time my fiance goes to work, I worry about him dying in a car crash, so I say a 30-second prayer for his safety. This may seem like a normal thing to do. Except for me, if I don’t say the prayer part of me, I really believes he will die that day. It will be my fault because I didn’t say the prayer, and the anxiousness won’t go away for quite a while.

People with OCD tend to think and focus on worst-case scenarios. We focus on them so much that it can make us anxious to the point of physical symptoms. Why am I telling you about all of this?

Blood cancer made my thoughts worse

Having blood cancer 3 times was awful to begin with. But now that I’ve had one of the worst things you can literally have happen to me (3 TIMES) my brain tends to make everything the worst case scenario now. It tells me “Why not? Why couldn’t this happen when something like cancer happened to you?”

It’s really difficult to fight that logic. Cancer can bring on mental health concerns. When you have a pre-existing mental health condition it can just exacerbate it.

What treatments reduce catastrophising?

I am currently going to a psychiatrist that has knowledge of what OCD is and what has been proven to help it. She also knows about my medical history. I will unfortunately have OCD for the rest of my life. But I can use methods to keep it under control.

CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as Exposure therapy have been recommended to me. So for example, I am not saying my daily prayer so my mind and body can learn that nothing bad will happen if I don’t.

I think this can help with some of the things cancer survivors or patients go through. We can try things like, not googling every symptom.

Flipping the script

Or maybe instead of focusing on the “what-if’s” in a negative sense we can try flipping it and thinking of them in a positive light. “What if this treatment works. Maybe I can help others like me.” “What if my side effects are minimal.” “What if I start educating myself and researching what I can do to help with treatment side effects before treatment so I don’t feel as bad.”

I know it’s not easy (trust me I know) and there are days you have to devote to being upset, angry, grieving, etc. That’s normal and healthy! But maybe we can be careful of how we approach our thoughts and in turn maybe we won’t go down those scary rabbit holes as often. What do you think? Do you have any mental disorders? How do they impact your life?

Warm wishes, Katelynn