Perhaps We Can Help Each Other

I was diagnosed with B-Cell lymphoma stage 4, on June 1st, 2015. I had IV chemo, over 40 blood transfusions, dozens of Neupogen shots, blood clots, pneumonia, and had allergic reactions to blood (I needed to get irradiated blood). Plus, I had reactions to several antibiotics. I was hospitalized about nine times, totaling about 90 days. I lost my independence, and everything I owned I gave away, donated or trashed because I believed I was going to die. I lived with my son for 9 months, but then after 14 months of treatment and suffering, I was in full remission, WOW! It only lasted 10 months. Now, I am terminal. My cancer returned with a vengeance. But, I am still here, and I am still fighting. My oncologist has me on daily Imbruvica 420mg, every day, He said he cannot fix this, but the Imbruvica will prolong my life.

Well, now three and a half years since my first diagnosed, I am still here, living on my own again (still) and still hopeful. It is very hard though, I am afraid to go out without wearing a mask (germs scar me) with my weakened immune system. Plus, I am in pain all the time. My spleen feels like it will explode at any time. My oncologist originally recommended I have it removed, but I got 2 more recommendations (opinions) and they both said “NO”. I did not have it removed. I also went through radiation therapy on my spleen and it did reduce in size a lot and is now only a bit enlarged.

I’m still here

My depression is now overwhelming. I do take opioids for my pain, but with all the bad press, I feel like a criminal when I refill a prescription. I am afraid to tell people for fear of what they will think. Plus, I cannot take antidepressants because of the opioids. I know that this cancer is going to kill me eventually, although I pray for many more years, even if it is with pain. I guess that what I am really looking for here is someone else with a similar condition and experiences. Perhaps we can help each other?

My pain doctor asked me what I was doing. He thought I would have died by now. My oncologist said, “it is Gods Will that I am still alive”. I depend on diet and exercise (even when it hurts), plus my faith in God, of course. It was a blood cancer employee, that responded to my comments on Facebook, that brought me here! I hope to find some mental healing here.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

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  • Pamela Kline moderator
    4 weeks ago

    @bluchs – You have been through so much. You are absolutely not alone in feeling depressed. Many in our community have also talked about the challenges of receiving pain medication, as well as the importance of faith and staying active. I’m so glad that you’ve found our community and that we can support each other on the good days, the bad days, and all the days in between.
    – Pam (Team Member)

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