Perhaps We Can Help Each Other

Last updated: January 2019

I was diagnosed with B-Cell lymphoma stage 4, on June 1st, 2015. I had IV chemo, over 40 blood transfusions, dozens of Neupogen shots, blood clots, pneumonia, and had allergic reactions to blood (I needed to get irradiated blood). Plus, I had reactions to several antibiotics. I was hospitalized about nine times, totaling about 90 days.

I lost my independence, and everything I owned I gave away, donated or trashed because I believed I was going to die. I lived with my son for 9 months, but then after 14 months of treatment and suffering, I was in full remission, WOW! It only lasted 10 months. Now, I am terminal. My cancer returned with a vengeance. But, I am still here, and I am still fighting. My oncologist has me on daily Imbruvica 420mg, every day, He said he cannot fix this, but the Imbruvica will prolong my life.

Well, now three and a half years since my first diagnosed, I am still here, living on my own again (still) and still hopeful. It is very hard though, I am afraid to go out without wearing a mask (germs scar me) with my weakened immune system. Plus, I am in pain all the time. My spleen feels like it will explode at any time. My oncologist originally recommended I have it removed, but I got 2 more recommendations (opinions) and they both said "NO". I did not have it removed. I also went through radiation therapy on my spleen and it did reduce in size a lot and is now only a bit enlarged.

I'm still here

My depression is now overwhelming. I do take opioids for my pain, but with all the bad press, I feel like a criminal when I refill a prescription. I am afraid to tell people for fear of what they will think. Plus, I cannot take antidepressants because of the opioids. I know that this cancer is going to kill me eventually, although I pray for many more years, even if it is with pain. I guess that what I am really looking for here is someone else with a similar condition and experiences. Perhaps we can help each other?

My pain doctor asked me what I was doing. He thought I would have died by now. My oncologist said, "it is Gods Will that I am still alive". I depend on diet and exercise (even when it hurts), plus my faith in God, of course. It was a blood cancer employee, that responded to my comments on Facebook, that brought me here! I hope to find some mental healing here.

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