A Dark Companion
I have a companion whose been with me for the last eighteen years. She’s been with me through many good and bad times. Just to give her credit, she’s been the barer of many of my bad times. She was introduced to me on March 12th, 2000 at 2:00 PM. Meeting her was quite an experience. You can probably tell from the details I still retain of the very moment in time we met that her influence has been indelible. As a matter of fact, when her name was mentioned, I felt the earth stand still for just a moment. The surrealist tone of the moment produced a quake-like effect once I heard her name. Sixteen years later, she’s with me twenty-four, seven; however, I don’t think of her as much as in the earlier years. I know she’s there, because she’s tenacious in her efforts to hold onto me. There is no 911 call or court issued restraining order I can make or secure that will insure that she’s a certain number of feet from my presence.
The emotional weight of an invisible illness
It’s quite a strange sensation at times to know you have a companion that has latched onto you as if she wants to consume your very being. At times she attacks you with what seems like the compassion of a psychotic lover, who would be committed to causing you harm rather than have anyone else have you. Through the years, her presence has resulted in me experiencing emotional, mental and physical trauma. I‘ve sent up countless prayers. Family members and friends have done the same. As a believer in prayer, I am convinced that these appeals to God have kept me from being destroyed by her. I think at times she probably feels the effects of heavenly intervention, but she knows corruptible influence of this world is routing for her seeing me as her victim someday. On the other hand, I feel stronger as time progresses; because I know the receiver of my intercessory words has more power than hers.
Coping with my companion
My companion is multiple myeloma, a form of cancer that attacks the plasma cells. Normal plasma cells are found in the bone marrow and are an important part of the immune system. Therefore, my constant companion for the last decade and a half has been malignant plasma cells, attacking my skeletal structure and creating havoc within my body wherever she can get hold. There is no cure to rid my temple of this quiet, insidious entity that accompanies me everywhere I go. Though I respect her and the influence she’s had on my life, and the lives of family and friends, I refused to yield to her. She’s not welcomed, but I’ve had to live with her anyway. The idea is to live, regardless of the reality that my companion would rather I not. She’s not the ruler of this temple.
Have you met another blood cancer patient?