Leukaemic Rate Still A Okay

I had three weeks off treatment in October and there was a ‘family planning mishap’. And I’m not going to lie. I had everything crossed that I would get pregnant. It would have been so perfect and wonderful in so many ways. But I wasn’t. Well, if I was, it didn’t stick and I really think I was pregnant for a bit.

And I can hear you say, yeah yeah, of course you did! You spent all that time focusing on being pregnant and had phantom pregnancy symptoms and whilst that might be true, I don’t think it is. I’ve never had phantom symptoms for anything else, and trust me. In nearly 14 years of cancer treatment, I could have done for LOADS of things.

All signs point to pregnant

A few things that made me think that I was. First, it was perfect timing with my ovulation. My digestive system was not what it normally is, and my digestive system is very dependable. My sense of smell was heightened and for weird things, like being able to smell and anti-bacterial wipe really strongly from the other side of the room. Completely losing my appetite which is not like me at all. Being really tired, even 10 days after coming off treatment which is not like me at all.

Oh, I emailed my consultant immediately and told her what had happened and that I wasn’t going to take the morning-after pill, so she immediately agreed to me coming off treatment just in case.

I also had spotting which I never get which often happens when the embryo implants into the womb wall, around the time that it would happen in pregnancy. Which got me VERY positive and then a few days later my body told me it was a no-go this time. Which I was really sad about. I knew it was a really long shot, but then I do know people who get pregnant the first time they try, so why not with me?!

Still on track

So back onto the chemo I went and I was slightly worried that the leukaemic rate might have been elevated. I know it was only 3 weeks, but historically, by 6 weeks off treatment my leukaemic rat has shot up so much, I have no choice other than to go back onto treatment. But amazingly it’s stayed really low! It’s still got the magic 0.00 before a number (it’s 0.003% on the international scale at the moment), so it’s still in a really brilliant place and more importantly means I’m still on track to come off treatment in early 2021!

I’m also working very hard not to be really f***d off that I was meant to be coming off treatment now, but because of sodding ‘Rona I can’t. I am much more relaxed about it now than when I was told in the summer. It has given me extra time to get my body ready and to do get work stuff lined up so I can still earn without me being as hands-on and it gives the complicated man time to truly decide. If he were to read this, he’d tell me to stop being delusional and that he’s not the one for me, and too old to be a father again etc etc etc. But, I’m not quite there yet.

He spotted me in a crowd, across the room, and I ended up being his friend ‘Katie’. The odds of that are crazy. It is a bit Disney, I know. I really do believe we were meant to meet. And we do work. Will his demons let him truly see it? Watch this space.