My Rainbow Baby

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written which is odd as I have some mega news and normally I’d be shouting about it all over the internet, but, this time, it’s been kept a little quieter.

For those of you who read my blogs or follow my life (not going to use the word journey, because, vomit) you will know that I very publicly talk about what’s going on with me, and maybe I haven’t this time because it’s not just me. In fact, there are two others involved and I respect their privacy and their right for me to not share everything about them on the internet. Especially as I can’t ask one of them what they think. Not yet anyway. It will be a few years before they can even truly understand what the internet is and what it means to have things shared about them online.

I'm having a baby!

So very excitingly, and against all odds, I have "spontaneously conceived" a baby arriving in the winter of 2022! I didn't need IVF or to choose a sperm donor. Even though my fertility was completely messed up, or rather, the polite way is ‘compromised’, and even though it wasn’t planned, and we weren't actively trying to conceive, it’s happening! I feel that all of the work I did for me getting ready for IVF and having a baby – dietary changes, supplements, etc., really helped.

So it’s all change for me now but in the best way possible way. I’m about to move out of London to the countryside so we are a family. Which is amazing, but I’m also sad to be leaving London. I’m not quite ready to be doing it. But, as so many have pointed out, including my now official other half (lol), we can always go back.

Getting extra scans

I’m now under the care of not one, but two specialist antenatal teams – one is a hematologist and the other is the premature clinic as I had a significant amount of my cervix removed when I have pre-cancerous cells taken out. I’m also still with my normal hematology clinic every 4 weeks for monitoring as I’m off chemo, so I seem to be at the hospital rather a lot!

But the best thing about being with the premature clinic, which I hadn’t fully clocked until it happened, is that there are extra scans and they also listen to the baby’s heartbeat, which is pretty epic. I never would have asked or paid for extra scans, but now that I’m getting them, I’m really pleased it’s happening. As of this writing, I am 19 weeks and can’t really feel the baby yet. I think I can sometimes, but not 100% sure, so it’s really reassuring to see it every few weeks and watch it move around and hear the strong heartbeat and to know that everything is as well as it can be.

Sending love to others struggling

Because of this being a "team" baby and not just me making all the decisions, there aren’t going to be a million posts about this. I also know, because I’ve been there, how upsetting it can be to read about this when it’s all you want, and it’s not possible because of so many reasons. So while I am beyond happy, amazed, and am enjoying every minute of this pregnancy, I’m also sending all the love to those who have read this with pain and upset. Because I truly know how that feels.