Strategies in Talking to Your Partner About Blood Cancer

Coping with a life-threatening health condition such as blood cancer is such an incredibly stressful time for both cancer patients and their families. Cancer affects your physical health and causes a wide range of feelings. My mood and feelings changed minute to minute. Initially, my husband felt he couldn’t say the right thing, even if he repeated my words.

The lessons we've learned

I thought I should ask my husband for his thoughts on how to talk with a loved one about your cancer diagnosis. He stressed that clear communication is key. The patient wants to return to normal and not be bombarded with questions. The following are some of his suggestions:

Open communication

Have an agreement that you will let your loved one know if something is wrong. This will limit the panic questions of "what’s wrong?" Encourage your partner to remain active to help regain a sense of confidence and control.

Be assertive

Be assertive, but not aggressive. Verbalize your feelings, but do not become angry. Ask "how can I help empower you to make a decision?"

Apologize

Apologize if you say something wrong. For example, my wife had mentioned that after her “watch and wait” period, chemotherapy would be the treatment she would undergo. I responded by saying that at least she could have chemotherapy. She became very upset and suggested that maybe I would like chemotherapy and its side effects. I realized while trying to remain positive, I had discounted her feelings about receiving chemo.

Every situation is different

Never say, “I know exactly how you feel.” You do not. Every situation is different.

Listen

Listen actively and do not judge. Encourage your partner to express his/her feelings and negative emotions even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Say and show love

Say “I love you" often. Offer to help in any way, such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. In our situation, I was out of work and could do all of the above which was a great relief for my wife, who experienced incapacitating fatigue as a side effect of the chemotherapy. To this day my wife teases me that I never weeded the garden or scrubbed the grout between the tile. Humor is a great strategy that helps lessen stress.

Be there

Accompany your loved one to appointments, physical presence is important. This can be most comforting and supportive.

The above strategies certainly aided in my cancer journey. I will never forget the kind and meaningful words expressed by my loved one: “I am here for you” and “I am thinking of you.” Most importantly, my loved one expressed that we are in this together and we can win this battle.