There Is No Comparison
With a long career in physical therapy, I have often listened to people expressing their pain levels and the concerns that arise when living with pain. In fact, I always expected to be told about any changes in function from the people I cared for. This often included discussions about the emotional difficulties associated with pain and declining function as well.
Recently I was taken aback when a client was sharing about her knee pain. As she was telling me about the physical and emotional difficulties she had been having, she added an unexpected comment: “I feel so bad mentioning all of this to you. I know it doesn’t compare to all you have been through with blood cancer.”
I genuinely appreciated my client’s acknowledgment that blood cancer was not fun. But I also realized how often we label and rank what we’re going through in comparison to others.
All our experiences are different
I think back to my initial diagnosis of Hairy Cell Leukemia in 2007. I was told by doctors that since it is a treatable type of leukemia, it was a better type to have. The word “better” was actually used to describe it. But how much do these labels actually change the emotional impact of a diagnosis?
I understand what I was being told, and I was thankful for any type of encouragement while being slapped in the face with a cancer diagnosis. But in that moment, the racing thoughts, the what-ifs, and the general fear was already in place. I had already been very sick. I had fevers and bone pain. And while I felt hopeful being told the leukemia was treatable, I was still living with these fear-causing symptoms. In the moment, I couldn’t grasp that this was considered “better.” It still felt scary and difficult to me.
Yes, I’m very grateful to still be here to share my experiences. In wellness, I am in a much different head space. So when my client shared her pain story, I never stopped to compare what she was feeling to my personal leukemia experiences. Even the story from another hairy cell leukemia patient can’t really be compared to mine.
What we each feel is significant
The point I am trying to make is that when it comes to personal fears, emotions, and concerns, there is no comparison. While we can look at similarities in treatments or the likelihood of recovery when speaking to other blood cancer patients, our experiences are unique. And the emotional aspects of what we feel cannot be diminished simply because someone may be going through something perceived as worse.
When we are in the thick of it, there simply is no comparison. What we feel is big, it’s real, and it’s significant. And we should be able to feel it without having it diminished for any reason. So while it may ease the mind to find ways where our situation might seem more desirable than others, it’s also ok to acknowledge the ways that it feels overwhelming and scary. Your experience is yours, and my experience is mine. Ultimately, there is no comparison.
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