My Support System

I’m very lucky in that I have an amazing support system. It’s something that was very apparent from the moment I was diagnosed. Friends taking me to the hospital. Visitors every day that I was an in-patient. And then, when I got back into the student flat, I was living in, people constantly popped over to see how I was doing.

Endless mugs of tea on the sofa

I think, however, it got a bit much for my flatmate. That my presence had become so large. The flat was taken over by people coming to see me. Our space was often shared with my mother, who, for quite a few weeks, until I became too ill from side effects from the chemo I was on and had to go back home. She would get a night coach up on a Thursday night from London to be with me from breakfast on a Friday until Monday night when she would make the return journey. To be with me as much as possible and not use up daytime hours traveling. And to not arrive late at night as I was normally asleep by 9 pm.

And I knew at the time that it wasn’t ideal for my flatmate. An only child who lived life to her own beat. And I definitely disrupted that with my diagnosis. We drifted and didn’t really speak in our final year of uni. We didn’t fall out. We just went down very different paths. But I’m not angry with her about it or anything like that. Living with someone with a cancer diagnosis is hard.

Lucky to have my support system

But anyways. I digress. I had an amazing support system at uni. Which has continued. The faces and names might change. But I am so lucky to have what I have. And I know that. My cancerversary shows that to me every year. Not that I’ve done much for the last two since my daughter was born. Her birthday is 2 days before and has my focus now. But I get told each year how much I am loved by my friends.

And since my relationship has fallen apart. I’ve once again been shown how strong my support system is. And it’s been incredible. I’m not going to lie; it’s been a sh*t reason to know how much support I have. Very grateful for it nonetheless.

I've always been able to count on family

And my family. I briefly mentioned my mother earlier. My brother also came up to see me most weekends as he was in Newcastle, so not far from Edinburgh. It was harder for my sister working in London, but she did come up after my diagnosis to see me. And my father was with me that first week and my taxi driver when I needed to go home.

There aren’t really enough words to truly get across all of this. Sometimes, I have felt very alone in terms of what I’ve gone through as I was the only one at the time. No one else I knew was freezing their eggs at 22, for example. But I’ve always had people there to talk to when I needed to. Especially now. Thank god for WhatsApp voice notes.

So, there have been times when I’ve felt isolated because of chronic fatigue in my 20s. Friends and family did not really get how I felt, no matter how they tried. I’ve felt angry at them for not knowing how I truly feel. For leaving me out. And as I basically always ended up canceling, the invites stopped.

But. When I’ve really needed them. They’ve been there. And I never have to doubt that.