Life Post-Remission: Thoughts and Feelings
It’s been over a year since I was told I was in remission. I guess I thought if I wrote a “journal entry” type article after some time had passed, maybe someone who just hit remission could relate to it and find some sort of comfort or hope for their future. That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.
Anxiety a constant companion
I was diagnosed with anxiety (honestly not a surprise lol) but I’m working with a therapist to help me and it’s been for the most part under control. That is one thing I wish I had done earlier on, I think it would have helped me heal a lot sooner and in a healthier way.
I still get scared when I think I feel a lump, see something red on my face, or feel too tired. It’s not always there but it’s still lingering in the back of my mind. I don’t think it will ever truly go away and I think I’ve almost accepted that.
Not as angry
Acceptance was hard for a long time. I’m not as angry as I was before. If I think too long and hard and go down the rabbit hole I could be, but I don’t want to open those wounds again.
Healthier habits come hard
I’m trying to be more mindful of what I put into my body but I’ve always loved junk food. It’s hard.
Thinking deep thoughts
I feel blessed that I get to help people who are going or who have gone through the same things I have. I know how important it is to feel validated. I enjoy reading all of your articles, it helps me feel less alone from what I went through.
Going through cancer made me really think about life and deep things. I just want to be happy and share my happy life with someone at the end of the day.
Things that were once so important to me have either been put on the back burner, or don’t matter anymore.
I still want to act, but I know I’m still not mentally ready to jump back into the world of auditions and rejection. It’s funny how much that one has changed. That used to be my world. It still is, but my priorities have changed. If that makes sense.
Grateful for friends
I’m not hermiting myself anymore, if anything it’s the opposite now. I miss my friends dearly and always want to see them. I love them so much.
Working hard to create a joyful life
As I’m writing this the biggest thought on the forefront of my mind is just “I want to be happy.”
- I never want to worry about bills, or health, or sorrow ever again. I know I can’t control those things but I'm certainly going to try - lol.
- I want to create a new life for myself that overflows with joy, abundance and love. I’m going to work harder than I ever have before to make it happen.
- Cancer can take a lot from you but it can also give you this new drive to fight for the things you cherish.
I think I just word vomited this whole thing but it’s honest and what’s on my heart right now. I hope everyone reading this has nothing but good things placed into their lives.
Warm wishes, Katelynn
Have you met another blood cancer patient?