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It Can Get Better

Katelynn Bauer's avatar image

By Katelynn Bauer

2 min read

I want to preface this by saying this is coming from the perspective of someone who is in remission. I know not everyone is able to get to that point and might not want to read this article. I totally get it, no hard feelings. I would probably feel that way if circumstances were different. I just wanted to give a fair warning.

If you’re still here, hello happy to have you. I was thinking of what to write this month. I’ve seen a lot of articles and comments about gratefulness. I started thinking about how far I’ve come in my lymphoma battle.

I did beat it, yes, but there was still so much to deal with emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically after the fact. Some of these things have gotten better. I still have to work harder than a healthy person to balance them though. But it’s gotten way better.

I had lost quite a bit of hope

There was a point in time I was afraid things would never get better. I was still so angry, and had a lot of anxiety that was making it hard for me to even focus on my computer screen to moderate.

Then there were my back and gallbladder problems, not to mention how I was trying to mend what felt like a non-existent relationship with God. It felt like a cycle every day that wasn’t going anywhere.

Time helps

After a while I finally started talking to a therapist. That helped IMMENSELY.

Slowly I started forming new habits that helped me think differently and helped lessen my anxiety and allowed me to eventually when I was finally ready, let go of a lot of my anger.

The wheels were finally starting to turn again. One step at a time. Next I decided to start trying to talk to God a little bit every day. That’s no where close to being where I want it to, or think it should, but again baby steps.

It’s still not 100%

I still deal with a lot, yes. I still have a lot of physical pain, I still have a lot of anxiety, and God still seems so far away.

But my point is, a lot of the bad has gotten better. I am actually the most happy and mentally/emotionally healthy that I have ever been in my life.

I had to stop forcing and rushing things. Again, I know this is coming from someone who doesn’t have cancer anymore which makes things leaps and bounds easier.

But I hope if some of you are reading this that it can give you some kind of hope. Some things can and do get better with time. Whether that means with breakthroughs in science, or you finally find the perfect routine or loophole that helps you day by day. Or maybe you find something that makes you really happy and is able to be a welcome distraction for a while. Things can happen to make circumstances better. Please don’t give up. My inbox is always open to everyone.

Warm wishes, Katelynn

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