Embracing Blood Cancer

There comes a time when we realize that some things in life are not working. For me, that deep awakening occurred following a series of traumatic episodes. Strangely enough, a blood cancer diagnosis turned out to be just one of the many in a never-ending series of events.

What was I missing while being Type A?

While I had always been an absorbed type A personality, now, for the first time, I found my focus shifting and moving away from meeting deadlines and setting goals to asking a lot of questions that should have been asked years before. My attention was now centered on the important but often unnoticed things that surrounded me every day.

I began to ask questions like, "What am I doing right now, and why? What was that unidentified and unmet fulfillment I had been looking for, and was it really important? Is happiness a possibility in my future? What am I not seeing, and what am I missing? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? How long will I live? What will quality of life look like, and what changes should I be making now?" The list goes on and on.

Life has many chapters

Some comfort was found in recognizing that life was composed of many chapters. Not every chapter it turned out was neatly defined by a 10-year birthday. I had long passed 18 and the magical legal age of 21 when I could legally enjoy adult beverages. The years between then and 50’s magically moved so fast that I never noticed sailing through the “Nifty 50” stage.

After examining the details of my advancing years, there were some chapters in my life (and perhaps yours) were filled with unspoken words and unresolved emotions.

What is important in this chapter?

I came face to face with the reality that my time on this blue ball, like all of us, is limited. At the same time, I alone am the only person who can decide how I will live with the reality of cancer. Acknowledging and coming face to face with what I was facing helped me to name IT and then normalize IT into my future.

This realization was not about denying the reality of cancer but rather it was all about understanding and putting my full focus on the process of living. The first task for me was to identify and then unpack my priorities so I could simplify things.

Deciding on and living my priorities

Simple it turns out is a surefire way to find uncomplicated truth. To help me from slipping back into my former negative state of mind I vowed to remember to be consistent as I approached any new developments on my journey. There will be challenges ahead and it will be up to me to decide either take them in stride or choose to panic and overreact to each new development. I now make it a point to anticipate possible reactions and attempt to gain a deeper and better understanding of my new challenges.

To help with feedback I write and journal almost daily on how I react to all of this. The constant closed loop of information feedback has helped me stay on a path and not be constantly overwhelmed by the many twists and turns that every blood cancer patient encounters.

My motto moving forward is:  Don’t be overwhelmed. Simply embrace the journey.