Broken By Blood Cancer

Somewhere along the line, everyone comes face to face with overwhelming obstacles in their lives, along with full-blown life crises. It could arrive as a single event like a broken heart, a job loss, or failure to be accepted into that dream school. Or, like me and others, you might find yourself experiencing a never-ending cascade of negative events lasting months or years with no foreseeable end in sight.

A series of stressful events

Some of you know I unexpectedly lost my wife of 57+ years one Sunday morning after being diagnosed and treated for cancer 4 times in less than 10 years. Thanks to months of chemo, I was hospitalized 3 times, only to do it all over again when I required oxygen treatment and steroid injections for COVID-19 pneumonia.

It was a touch-and-go situation for quite some time. To say I experienced a wide range of emotions would be an understatement. Every time I got back on my feet, something came along to shatter my fragile emotional foundations.

Facing the challenge of blood cancer

Despite this, I found ways to move on and figured some folks might want to know about a few things that helped along the way. Who knows perhaps something published here may help you. Because of my involvement in volunteer work and professional speaking on men’s health on a national level over the past decade, I have met with or spoken to several thousand people who have faced the challenge of a cancer diagnosis either as a patient or as a family member.

Over time it became abundantly clear when you or someone close to you is diagnosed with cancer all the trusted instincts, we ordinarily rely on can easily lead us down the wrong path. Quite simply when you are feeling emotional pain, just understand this is often the exact time we cannot trust what our minds are telling us.

Accepting where I am

Recovering from the pain of the initial cancer diagnosis is not a journey. It is a fight. Oddly enough “reason” of all things turned out to be my strongest weapon. I needed to accept that nothing would change my cancer diagnosis  Going down one rabbit hole after another in search of answers as to the causes of my blood cancer was at best a questionable exercise.

I have met many folks who refuse to accept the reality of their cancer and proceed to dive into research to find answers. In the end, they become addicted to their “research journey”  and delay much-needed treatment in much the same way addicts become addicted to cocaine or opioids while refusing much-needed help and support.

Steering clear of false hope

False hope I learned can be incredibly destructive to patients and families because it can easily become a master manipulator that takes the mind off what must be done. To move forward I decided to identify the things in my life that need to be done. I picked up a notebook and began to write down what things needed to be prioritized and put them on a calendar.

Recovering emotionally

At the same time, I opened my heart and became more engaged with friends and family.  I let people who supported me know what was going on in my head and not just my body. Make no mistake about it getting over the feeling of being “broken” after a blood cancer diagnosis is hard work because we hurt emotionally on many deep levels.

I believe the battle with any cancer is fought within the mind. To win and regain any form of emotional balance one must be diligent and committed to the art of living and looking forward. To that end, I remind myself daily that silence is never a cure when it comes to dealing with blood cancer.