Awareness Month Happened Again... And I’ve Still Got Blood Cancer

By Katie R

2 min read

And it happened again! Another September. Another Blood Cancer Awareness Month. Another 30 days of blood cancer focus, which is a good thing. I’m not going to lie though, this year I got a bit bored of it. My passion for it was definitely more diluted that last year. Maybe because it’s another one of the many on the horizon where I will still have blood cancer.

People don't recognize the impact of blood cancer

I also feel that in the UK, the press doesn’t care about blood cancers. Maybe I’m just being a bit meh at the moment and should just cheer the f**k up. It just seems that all the focus from the media and NHS initiatives is on other cancers who, according to public opinion, have the worst survival rates and need support more than we do. Without a doubt, there are some that get things before we do who should. I’m just getting a bit fed up with how people don’t realise the impact of blood cancers. Don’t even realise there are blood cancers.

Preaching to the crowd here I know.

Wishing I could move on from my CML

And I know what’s really getting to me and it’s only just clicked now whilst writing this. Funny how you get a realization when writing about how you feel…

Someone I know, a very good friend of mine, had their 5 years since diagnosis and finished treatment in September. Meanwhile, I was going through Blood Cancer Awareness Month and CML Day and still having the f***ing thing. They are clear. They are no longer a cancer patient. They are free. They can carry on with their life completely and utterly knowing that there is no evidence of disease. It’s gone.

And I want that.

So much.

I admit it... I'm jealous

And that’s what the problem in. I’m jealous. Really jealous. And angry and fed up and frustrated and so bored of it all.

I was talking to another friend as they have had a life wobble and I did flag with them that my life was taken away from me in so many ways when I was 22 and actually they have nothing to moan about.

And yes, that might have been insensitive of me. Everyone has their stuff to be dealing with. I should stop being such a victim with my thoughts so much of the time. I do have a lot. I have so much compared to so many. I am lucky in many ways.

What would my life have been if not for blood cancer?

It’s hard not to wonder sometimes, though, about how it might have been. Or if I’d had an acute version and got through treatment and out the other side ok without GVHD. How my life would be if someone else had had that diagnosis on that day. What I would be doing. Who I would be. What my life would look like. Maybe it would be very similar. Maybe it would be completely different. Maybe I would be unhappy and actually, my diagnosis was the best thing to have happened to me. The right thing.

I just don’t know. So here’s to 11 months until the next Blood Cancer Awareness Month.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Daniel Malito Moderator
<inline-mention user-id="3646379" username="Katie Ruane"/> Everybody's stuff is their stuff, Katie. Don't feel bed just because you want to feel like your stuff is devastating to you - it is, in reality. Anyone who says they don't feel this way from time to time is lying - even the most happy-go-lucky, positive, eat sunshine and puke rainbows person has times when they get fed up, even if they don't act like it. You get to be selfish, and it's fine. Besides, you have come through some crazy challenges that most people don't even understand and come out the other side with a life, that's worth applauding. If no one else will tell you then I will. 😀 Keep on keepin' on, DPM
Deb Wesloh Moderator & Contributor
I am sorry that you were diagnosed at such a young age. You bring up some excellent points about the "awareness month" hype. Although I appreciate the visibility, I am also a bit bored with it all. It's especially hard when you are still impacted by cancer. This made me think of the first story I submitted to <a href='http://Blood-Cancer.com' target='_blank'>Blood-Cancer.com</a> called I Wore Red. I talk about completing my breast cancer chemo and ringing the bell, but with my diagnosis of polycythemia vera (the same year as the breast cancer), I'll never be "cancer free." Because polycythemia is a chronic, progressive blood cancer with no cure, I will always have "cancer." I am only three years into my diagnosis but already have the "groundhog day" thought running through my mind every blood cancer (and breast cancer) awareness month. Best of luck to you!
Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="3646379" username="Katie Ruane"/> It's hard to hear you have cancer, but I can't imagine what it would be like as a young person. I don't hear commercials or about walks to raise awareness for my type of cancer either even though it's on the rise. What I decided to do was to take matters, and my life, into my own hands. No one knows why I got cancer, but something caused it. I have chosen to change everything about my lifestyle and it's helped. The cancer growth has slowed down, I've lost weight, and I feel great. I hope you can find something that makes you feel better. Good luck to you.
Maria Valente Moderator
I totally get fed up with it all too. Sometimes counting blessings and reaching for thankfulness just don't cut the mustard. The expectations just don't change. Not for cancer, not for covid, not for skies filled with ash. The expectations remain the same regardless. That's the inhumanity of it. It's a lack of compassion. Exhausting. Self care is key. I've never understood that more than now. Take good care. Sending virtual hugs. Sincerely.

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