We Versus I: Forming a Team as Patient and Caregiver

By Ann Harper

3 min read

My daughter, Crystal, was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma in 2016 at the age of 25. It was one of the hardest times in our lives. My husband and I were beside ourselves wondering what we would do to help her get through this tough time. Luckily, my job allowed me to take family leave and so we decided that’s what we would do. Once this was decided, I became Crystal’s primary caregiver and personal driver when she went to treatments and doctor visits. It was at this point that Crystal and I became a team of two and "I" turned into, "we."

Whenever she had to go for chemo, we went together. The same was true when she visited the doctor, had to go to the emergency room, received hydration, and mostly everything else related to her cancer treatment. It would have been hard for her to go by herself and I wouldn’t have been able to bear the thought of her being alone. Although she was a grown woman, she was still my little girl. Working together, I knew we would do what we had to... to beat this!

Spending time together as patient and caregiver

As a caregiver, I think it’s important to let our family or friends know we are there for them. Finding out you have cancer is tough enough, but thinking you may have to go through it alone must be even harder. I didn’t want Crystal to have to go through any of it alone, and I wanted to be right there by her side through it all.

It was definitely tough sometimes, but being there for her was so important to me. I remember finding out that her sisters were going to go to one of her treatments with her and I felt a bit sad I wouldn’t be there. It was great for Crystal to have this time with her sisters. But, I worried if her sisters would know what to say if there was a problem, and did they realize how sick she got during treatment? Of course, it turned out fine, but I still worried. After all, no one could take care of her better than her mama!

My role as a Hodgkin lymphoma caregiver

Helping Crystal through this period in her life was hard on her. At times, she felt like a burden. We all want to be self-sufficient, but there are times we need the help of others. I was so glad she allowed me to be there and help her. Sometimes it was hard but it would have been even harder to have not helped. I would have been worrying about what was happening, how she felt, and if she could make it home ok. Things were pretty tough for her on treatment days. Although we tried to do some fun things, we both knew what was to come. Part of being a caregiver is letting the person know you are there for them and wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope I made Crystal feel this way,

The benefit of a team approach

When you have cancer, I think having a team is a good thing. Mostly, I was the only one that went with Crystal. Luckily, I had the time to take off and my job allowed it. For us, Crystal and I became a "we." If you can get the whole family involved, that’s even better. Just know that they need you and becoming a team of "we" will help you all get through this awful time.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Daniel Malito Moderator
<inline-mention user-id="3637920" username="Ann Harper"/> When ever something happens here it's like the family bat-signal goes up and everyone drops whatever, wherever, and the Cancer Avengers Assemble. I know not everyone has that but you are right in that it is important to have a team if it's at all possible. Crystal is a lucky person. Great read. Keep on keepin' on, DPM
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 Thank you. That's wonderful that you have such a close family. Having that kind of support must mean so much.
Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo Moderator & Contributor
Ann, quite frankly I don't know where many of us would be without "WE" in all of this, especially those who have support. Nice piece!
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 I agree. I think about the poor people that are by themselves or on their own. I guess you do what you have to do, but it's always nice to have someone by your side.
Susan Gonsalves Moderator & Contributor
@Ann Harper Your daughter is lucky to have you and your care and support. I was a caregiver for my mom (now passed) for many many years and know the toll it can take on a person. Having someone at appointments is important in case some information gets missed or there are questions. The team approach is the best approach. In the early days of my diagnosis, I was lucky to have a friend with me who could grasp everything that was being said when some of it was missed and my mind went into la la land here and there from shock. Best wishes.
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 It's wonderful to have such a good friend. There's always so much information that it's easy to miss some of <a href='http://it.having' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>it.having</a> another set of ears is helpful in so many ways.
Ramae Hamrin Moderator & Contributor
Crystal is so blessed to have such a loving mama and caregiver! You are so right about the team aspect of a cancer journey. When I was diagnosed with myeloma, it was the first time I really understood the true meaning of the word 'we'. My own mama hasn't been a big part of my team, but I am so happy that other mamas like you are. Lovely read!
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 I'm glad you had people with you. It's always nice to have your mother by your side, but I know that's not always possible. How are you doing now?
Susan Gonsalves Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="3637920" username="Ann Harper"/> The relationship you have with your daughter and caregiving role mirrors what I went through for over a decade with my mom (now deceased). We were a team all right and the doctors always welcomed us plurally to all her medical appointments and joked that we were "joined at the hip." Because my siblings were not nearly as in the loop, I did worry if they had to step in whether or not they'd ask the right questions at appointments, etc. I was diagnosed with CML a couple of years after her death and the timing is the only thing I can find as positive. I believe it was churning around in the last year of her life but waited to bust out when she wouldn't have to cope with it and was at peace. Too stressful. Sorry to be wordy but the minute I saw the title and illustration, there were tears because I can relate. Wish you both good health.
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention user-id="3653135" username="Susan Gonsalves"/> It seems we do have a lot in common. My mother also had cancer and passed from it. After she died, I also became afflicted with the disease. Like you, I'm glad she didn't have to worry about that. It's definitely sad to lose your mom. Mine has been gone for almost 12 years and I still miss her terribly and will tear up at times. But, death is part of life and not something we can get past. So here's to our moms!
Susan Gonsalves Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention user-id="3637920" username="Ann Harper"/> And clearly my memory is shot because this was a re-read, but you get the idea.
1. Ann Harper Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Susan Gonsalves" user-id="3653135"/> I do that too. After time as passed, it's as though I'm reading the article for the first time and that's usually a good thing! Lol Ann (Blood-Cancer.com Team Member)

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