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I Wore Red

I wore red that day. I wore red and looked good! Damn good! Okay…that may be a stretch…I wore an old red t-shirt, slightly loose around the neck so the oncology nurse could access my chemo port. I wore a matching red bandana to cover the peach fuzz that had replaced my long beautiful brown hair a few months earlier.

I was excited as I made my way up to the oncology clinic at Brooke Army Medical Center (BAMC). This was my last day of chemo. My last day of putting poison into my body as part of my treatment for invasive ductal carcinoma, aka as breast cancer that I was diagnosed with in September of 2016.

The end of my chemotherapy…or not

After I finished the infusion, the moment all chemo patients wait for, I stepped up to ring the bell. I rang it hard to signify the end of my treatment.

I left that chemo treatment that day ecstatic and with an incredible sense of relief that it was over; that my miserable chemo experience was done; no more achy steroid withdrawals, no more ER Thursdays and no more in-house sequestering.

I rang that bell that day…but my journey with cancer was not over.
2016 was a rough year for me. A couple months before the breast cancer diagnosis, my primary doctor noticed that my blood levels were all elevated. A hematologist at BAMC diagnosed me with a rare blood cancer called polycythemia vera or PV.

Two cancers in one year? Seriously?… I thought I was healthy. I was a competitive runner that ran faithfully every day, never smoked, rarely drank and with the exception of a slight candy habit, ate nutritiously my whole life, how on earth could I wind up with not one, but two types of cancer? Like I said it was a rough year.

Polycythemia Vera…lucky me

PV causes my bone marrow to make too many red blood cells. This makes my blood thick and my frequent lab trips always an adventure. PV not only causes severe fatigue, headaches, spleen enlargement, and itching and it also significantly increases my risk of heart attack, stroke or blood clots. This cancer is chronic, progressive and rare. It can’t be cured but treatment can manage it effectively. Most people have never heard of PV, much less know anyone that has it (I guess I’m your token person…lucky me).

Despite dealing with two cancers, right now my overall prognosis is good. Everyone says “you don’t look sick“. This is especially true now that my hair has grown back and thanks to the PV my face is usually bright red.

Most of the time I feel okay. However, sometimes this former runner who used to get up before dawn to run 5 miles struggles just to get out of bed. Sometimes I fight to stay awake at the office when the fatigue hits me like a hammer. Sometimes it takes the endurance equivalent to running a marathon (or at least a 5K) to make it to the end of the day.

Living life to the fullest despite my diagnosis

Fortunately, I have an awesome and understanding support system; family, friends, and co-workers that keep me motivated and are my motivation. For that, I feel especially blessed.

I’ve always lived life to the fullest, even before the cancers, but now even more so. As like any other cancer survivor, I realize that life is finite, that I may not be around as long as I planned. Therefore I live largely, take risks, do crazy and unusual things that are way out of my comfort zone. I try to make each day count. I am determined not to let this all defeat me or diminish my joy of life!

So why did I wear red that day? Why did I wear red my final day of chemo? Red signifies the thick blood that runs through my veins. I wore red to symbolize the PV, the blood cancer that still continues to impact my life. I wore red to represent my never-ending cancer journey…

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Ann Harper moderator
    2 months ago

    Good for you to find happiness whenever you can. Good luck to you!

  • Racheli Alkobey moderator
    3 months ago

    I love that. What a way to use color to signify something so powerful. I also wore red! Although I wasn’t as intentional with the purpose, I will continue to now think of you and us every time I wear red! Thank you for sharing.

  • amber.lynch moderator
    3 months ago

    I love that you wear red that day. It shows strength and courage that runs through your veins. I am sorry to hear that your battle was more than expected. I can only imagine the feeling of hearing you have another cancer that is all of our fear. Living your life daily and without fear and living in joy is the best way to be.

  • Deb Wesloh moderator author
    3 months ago

    Thanks. Yes, definitely not a good year. However, things are looking up at the moment. Hopefully it will stay that way!

  • Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo moderator
    4 months ago

    Good for you! Everyone talks about this bell, but good for you in using red to mark the end chemo. It’s time to move forward on this never-ending journey! Best!

  • Deb Wesloh moderator author
    3 months ago

    Thanks. I continue to move forward and plan to still live to 100!

  • Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo moderator
    3 months ago

    If you believe it… you can do it! Best

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