Lonesome Journey

Last updated: January 2023

It’s 2018 and my dad wasn’t well with dementia he didn’t have a caring spouse, so his children went to work legally as he was our only parent since 1988. I had some issues whilst living away from my home and my physicians
with my focus only on my father’s care as we won the first time, and I am a sickly person who has had an illness of some type as early as my 20s! I have had 4 heart attacks and open heart surgery quad bypass and 2 strokes! Not counting my list of health problems so once my WBC went to 64 thousand it would catch the eyes of the ER spent 3 days in the hospital left with a WBC of 24 thousand with orders for repeat labs in 1 week and if it’s up to call the Internist immediately and I did and was sent again too ER too stay per her orders until we had answers.

No one listens

All this was happening in the highest time frame of the pandemic and it by far has been the hardest thing to navigate through within our now broken system and broken healthcare providers, even now I am in my second year of treatment. I’m in remission but I have had to change my oncologist. My first one retired without notice and left me without one for 5 months. They are all the same way like a dollar 💵 sign, and don’t have anything to say except for the labs are good and see me in 6 weeks oh, and take a look in my mouth!

I have been just put in my place by both of these oncologists. I have to ask myself why they act like I don’t deserve the time for questions about my life and care. Still, I’m certainly not feeling good about the type of cancer care I have had thus far and my spouse believes he’s the best oncologist but I’m the patient. Between them both, I sit in the chair feeling like a bad child as they discuss but I’m now just going through the motions of life because no one has listened and doesn’t want to listen so it’s just not worth the trouble to fight!

Feeling alone

I’m alone with my pup all the time my spouse would rather work than be home. This marriage came with a 60-year-old brother, an alcoholic! Since 2020 I have lost 2 grandchildren, 2 aunts, and my only parent for 34 years I was his baby girl and he had always been open about his genuine trust in his daughter as he watched me take care of my momma, his father, etc.

I was in the medical field back in the day but life and God lead me into Agriculture and State work until my health caused my disability in 2017! I must tell you that my father’s side of my DNA has an alarming rate of cancer deaths, so when I was told I had no reaction, it was just what I was expecting!


Positive thoughts about my health problems aren’t how I am truly grateful for all my blessings yet I know that I have to be realistic about this life tragedy I have been given I worry more about my grandchildren and if it’s something that I could have passed on to them or my daughter! I have just been so blessed with the best parents and elders that taught me how to love my God and Family.

I have lost the love of my siblings and my child and grandchildren and no one ever is around my life now so it’s just much easier to just be and let my life go how it goes! I’m not begging anyone for love anymore because it’s too hard and too late ⏰ clock’s ticking 🧡🤦🏻‍♀️

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