Caricatures of Blood-Cancer.com advocates

Ask the Advocates, Part 2: Love Life

Welcome to part two of our series, Ask the Advocates! We hope you will provide your answers in the comments below, too! You can also feel free to post your own questions in the community Q&A section.

How has blood cancer affected your love life?

Daniel

Community Advocate Dan
Oh, ha HA. Did you put this question in just for me? Lol Hmmmm, how has cancer affected my love life? Well, my wife left and found someone else and now I have to use “the apps.” Of course, since I lost all my hair and I would just as soon puke on my date as talk to her, even if I do manage to find a non-lunatic, they’d probably think I was a weirdo anyway. So, in a nutshell, my answer would be, “what love life?”

Ronni

Community Advocate RonniRacheliI had been divorced for many years and didn’t have a partner during my treatment and recovery. I hadn’t had sex for a long time when I met a very nice man. The first night that we had sex, it was incredibly painful. I bled for several hours and actually ended up in the emergency room. He took a nap in the car while I was examined. Luckily there wasn’t any lasting damage. Then we went out for breakfast and played tennis! During my treatment, nobody had told me that I should use a vaginal moisturizer or take any other steps to maintain my pelvic health. It took a while, but, after learning relaxation exercises and using a vaginal moisturizer, I finally got to where I needed to be in order to have enjoyable sex. I figure that since the relationship survived the emergency trip, it can survive a good many other challenges too. I’ve since learned that this aspect of women’s sexual health is gaining more attention.

Bob

Community Advocate bobI’ve been fortunate that my cancer and its treatment have not led to any long-term physical problems that would affect my love life. But it has affected things emotionally, for sure. I feel closer to my wife now and appreciate her more, than I ever have. We’ve both grown a lot, and grown closer. That makes everything else better.

Racheli

Community Advocate Racheli
When I was diagnosed at 21, I was single and in the dating scene. I had moved across the country and was not actively looking for something serious. I believe that going through treatment for blood cancer and facing something so serious, ignited the spark that even though I am young if something serious rolls around it would be okay. I dated through treatment but nothing romantically serious came out of that, I just made a few new friends. I met my now husband 8 months after treatment.

Missed the first part of this series? Check out Ask the Advocates: The Diagnosis.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (13)
  • Ann Harper moderator
    1 month ago

    My daughter struggled with wanting a relationship and going through the trouble of finding one. She had just gone through a bad breakup and was little leary of men. She had also lost her hair and was trying to be healthy – some things people don’t understand. She has since found her footing and is in a relationship with a nice man. It has made a world of difference to her.

  • Ann Harper moderator
    2 months ago

    grateful. You for sharing. It helps when we know there are others like us.

  • hammosa
    2 months ago

    Carole, that is wonderful news, congratulations on you renewal of marital vows. Something beautiful to look forward to🌸🌺🌹

  • Carole McCue
    2 months ago

    The greatest effect of my cancer treatment was incapacitating fatigue. Fortunately my husband was patient and caring. The fatigue continued for 6 months and fortunately has had no lasting effect on our relationship.In fact we were able to celebrate a renewal of our wedding vows this past summer.

  • Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo moderator
    2 months ago

    Congrats on your renewed wedding vows. That’s awesome!! That’s a kick in a butt for fatigue 🙂

  • canzzert.65
    2 months ago

    Wow ,interesting ,after my first (rodeo//cancer)My boyfriend at the time said “my mom said why are you dating her she has cancer .I’ll never forget ,so since no interest,and now ,cancer again ,I certainly don’t want to grow old alone .

  • hammosa
    2 months ago

    Consider that relationship dodging a bullet! No worries that perfect person and family are waiting for you. I know this bc it happened for me . 💕🙏💕

  • Yolanda Brunson-Sarrabo moderator
    2 months ago

    Wow! Amazing how some people don’t get the importance if you can’t say something good, then best to say nothing at all. SMH
    You’ll find your forever mate- don’t be discouraged, someone is out there for better and worst.
    Best 🙂

  • Richard
    2 months ago

    It is the survivor guilt that I can not stand.
    It is bad enough what my parents went through. Yet, at 9 years old I saw things
    that no one should ever see. I thought as I got older I would get over it. You develop a
    friendship with your new friends. We would
    make jokes about how much our parents
    doted on us. 10 years later, Wendy and Kevin are gone. If there is God, Why?

  • hammosa
    2 months ago

    I am sorry for your loss. There are so many things in this world that I do not understand, things that seem so unfair. i do not understand but I still have to believe there is a God or something bigger than myself that holds the key to our universe.While there are bad things that happen, there are also a lot of good. Blessings.

  • bluchs
    2 months ago

    Love Life WOW!
    I guess that answering this question is a bit embarrassing.
    I was married and divorced 4 times.
    I have been a single for over 29 years now.
    I had many relationship[s over the past 29 years, but after getting cancer, I actually lost interest in any sort of intimate relationship.
    I am going to be 66 years old in March and I just don’t have the interest any more.
    I never stopped loving my second wife, My sons mother, and although, I raised my son from the age of 2 by myself, he is now 39.
    His mother, and I have become, best friends since my diagnosis with cancer.
    Our new found friendship, is all I need now!
    She has been here for me since the first day.
    We talk at least once a week.
    So for me.
    Love life, does not need to mean sex.
    So, I am good, with my love life now.
    Just as it is

  • hammosa
    2 months ago

    Bluchs
    What a wonderful thing that you have been able to keep such a wonderful relationship with your ex. You can have a deep fulfilling relationship without sex and it is enough. I am actually good friends with my ex, no sex either. It’s great to be able to forgive the past and still care about each other deeply. Thank you for sharing.

  • Anthony Carrone moderator
    2 months ago

    @Bluchs,
    You’re optimism never ceases to amaze me. You are so good at adjusting and finding ways to continue living when life throws major curve balls your way. I truly admire that. It’s so good to hear that you and your son’s mother have found a new friendship! Thank you for being so open and sharing stories about areas of your personal life. You are absolutely helping others here feel less alone in this experience. Sincerely, Anthony

  • Poll