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A woman and her daughter standing in front of their house

You Must Have Patience!

Being a caregiver is always a challenge. Many things in your life will change. You want to be there for your family member, but it can get hard sometimes. Some things you used to do have to stop or change. Being diagnosed with a disease puts stress on everyone involved especially when it’s a close family member. When my daughter Crystal was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma at age 25, we made arrangements for her to come home so we could help her emotionally and financially.

Becoming a mom again

At home, we could help her get to treatments and just be there for her. It’s a scary thing to hear you have cancer, and she heard it all by herself in a new area where she moved to start her new job, without any close friends or family nearby. We wanted to make sure she wouldn’t have to go through the rest of it by herself.

Getting ready for her move meant getting her old room ready and making sure she had the foods she liked to eat. It seemed like a pretty easy thing, to become mom again, but it was different. I didn’t realize all the extra things I would have to do. My little girl was a woman and she was sick.

General care

Crystal became very sick from her treatments and was not able to do anything for herself. She was barely able to eat. This always lasted for about a week. Of course, as the week went on she started to feel better. But during that week, I needed to make sure she had the food she could eat, something to drink, and anything else she needed. She also needed to have her sheets changed and her clothes washed and folded.

I didn’t mind doing any of this, but I also had to work. Additionally, because Crystal wasn’t feeling well, she sometimes got moody and a bit cranky. I understood, but it wasn’t always easy to deal with. There were a few times I had to bite my tongue, and this is not something I’m used to doing. Through all of this, I was still so happy that I was able to be there for Crystal through what I knew would be the hardest time in her life.

Handling the rough times

Crystal went through a lot of rough times. It was overwhelming because I didn’t know what to do for her. Many days, especially after treatments, she couldn’t get out of bed and had to be taken care of. It was really hard watching your child go through so much. It was also hard taking on the extra work that came with a sick child. I wouldn’t have had it any other way and would have felt hurt if Crystal didn’t come home, but there was a lot to do. I needed to keep my patience with my family because I did get tired and overwhelmed some days. My poor husband had to put up with Crystal and me, too!

Finding patience and understanding as a caregiver

I dealt with all the changes by knowing it was going to come to an end. The doctor assured us Crystal would get better. Believing that helped me to get through the rough times. I also knew when Crystal got better she would be leaving. This helped me to try and enjoy her good days while she was still home. I knew I would miss her when she left – and I did. I also tried to understand when she got cranky, after all, she was going through a lot. Keeping this in mind helped me to be understanding.

Some days will be hard but it’s worth it

I just want all of you caregivers to know that it will be tough some days, but most of the days you will be glad to be there for your loved one and feel grateful you were able to help them in some way. Having some rough days is just that. Most days are just like any other. You get by and do what you have to do. Of course, getting to the endmark will make it all worth it. For me, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Blood-Cancer.com team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • bluchs
    3 weeks ago

    Ann WOW!
    Another very inspiring story from you about your days as a caregiver for your daughter!
    My story is very similar, but for me, I am the patient and my son is the caregiver?
    Stress, if for both of us, me because I feel like a burden to him.
    And him, because he feels helpless to ease my pain.
    When I got sick, my son moved into my house immediately while I was in the hospital.
    WOW, I came home for the first time. He was there, to care for me, keep in mind he is married and had 5 children at home at the time.
    He lived with me for 6 months.
    He had to carry me, bath me, feed me etc. No son should have to do this for a parent.
    I then , thinking I was going to die, and being not able to care for myself, I moved into a bedroom at my sons home, where I lived for 8 months.
    I was told I was in remission, so I immediately moved out, not wanting to burden my son and his family any more.
    My alleged remission only lasted 10 months.
    I have lived alone for 31 months now, but again I am getting very sick again.
    My son is actually building me a small cottage on his property to continue to care for me and get me close to him again.
    This time respecting that I need to live alone.
    Hard Days Ahead, You bet, but he tells me it is worth it, because he does not want me to suffer alone. ( and he worries about me every day ) this way he can know how I am?
    Dear God How I Love This Boy Of Mine..
    I Am Blessed!
    So like you Ann, I would have it no other way. I guess that if we look hard enough, we can find the good in every situation, even Cancer.
    What you have done, and are doing for your daughter, is what my son is doing for me.
    The world needs more people, like both of you.
    God Bless You!

  • Ann Harper moderator author
    3 weeks ago

    You and your son are amazing! I have been keeping up on your story and its heartwarming to see how you feel about each other. You will have to keep us updated on the cottage and send pictures. I’m very happy for you that your son is a caring young man. He must get it from his dad!

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